Can You Be A Good Person & A Player?


If you’re a girl and you hear the word player, I’m sure a certain someone comes to mind. Maybe he’s someone who has hurt you in the past, tried getting with you and your best friend at the same time, or just a dude that’s notorious on campus for getting around. You’ve probably also called him a slut, a sleaze, or warned your friends to not get involved with him. The reasons are obvious, aren’t they? I mean, once you wake up in his bed and see him texting another chick, he’s obviously a shady dude…

But are you guys dating? Did you guys ever have a talk about being exclusive? Probably not. As much as I hate to defend the horribly casual dating environment that is acceptable in our culture today, you’re probably a victim of it too. Can you really honestly tell me that you’ll hook up with a dude once and automatically stop texting every other guy who’s been flirting with you lately? Unless you’re extremely naive or The Virgin Mary, probably not.

So, why do we get mad at men for playing the field when we do the same thing? Does entertaining the option of multiple partners make you a bad person? Aren’t we all just trying to find “the one” in the end? I certainly do not have the magic answers.

But I think you have to ask yourself (and potentially your current hook-up) the questions. Because personally, if a guy and I don’t have the talk about being exclusive, I’m going to assume that we’re not. Granted, if I really like a dude, I’m not going to want to hook up with other guys anyway, but I can’t promise that if G-Eazy suddenly wants to bang that I’d refuse. Why would I stop responding to text messages from other guys just because I’m hanging out with another dude? For all I know the man-child I’m hanging out with is texting 10 other chicks too.

Keeping your options open doesn’t make you a bad person, but lying and cheating does. As much as I would love for a guy I’m “talking” to to automatically halt contact with all other females, that’s just not going to happen – especially if I’m not ballsy enough to bring up the “what are we?” talk.

If your current hook up isn’t telling you that you’re the only girl he’s seeing, you can’t really be mad when you find out that he’s also banging a chick in your Psych class. He is probably still close with his mother, believes in world peace, and loves puppies. He’s not a satan spawn. If anything, he’s probably just like every other human – trying to figure out the complicated mess that we call “dating” in our current generation… and how to make it out alive…

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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