Another “Girls” Ex Is Addicted to Drugs

Unlike last week’s unfunny and unnecessary Hannah-filled sexcapade premiere, the second episode of Girls is filled with plenty of moments to LOL, roll your eyes, and LOL while rolling your eyes.

READ ALSO: The Season Premiere of Girls Reminded Us Why Hooking Up On the Beach Is The Worst 

The episode, which is called “Hostage Situation,” starts off with Marnie and her manic, new age, Mumford & Sons-looking ex husband-Desi, banging it out in the bedroom, only there’s a twist. When Marni comes, she starts scream/crying about how she’s disgusting and worse than her father, which seems pretty accurate since she’s been hard-core cheating on her actual boyfriend, Ray, for two weeks now.

This whole situation enrages Hannah, but for the same self-destructive reason she does everything, Hannah agrees to spend the weekend with the happy couple upstate so Marnie can have a plausible alibi as to why she’s going upstate, even though going upstate together is not something best friends do.

Literally the only reason you go to upstate New York is to screw your boyfriend and feel rustic about it.

Anyway, Hannah explains this whole sordid thing to Elijah, while Elijah’s wearing an “I Survived the 3rd Season of Ally McBeal” t-shirt and literally nothing else.

READ ALSO: 3 Different Real Housewives Randomly Got Naked On Instagram This Weekend

Unsurprisingly, the trip gets off to a bad start when Desi and Marnie pull up in a vintage car, blasting Joni Mitchell’s “Free Man in Paris,” while Marnie rests her elbows on the edge of the car, and doing her best high society Audrey Hepburn impression, calls out to Hannah, “Hiiiiiiiiiiiii.”

For once, when Hannah says, “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I 100% agree with her.

Meanwhile, Jessa and Shoshanna remind us all they’re related by videochatting with their old af grandmother, whom Shoshanna compliments for still being under 100 pounds. 

The fact that they’re cousins has not been brought up since season 1 episode 1, so it’s okay if you forgot about that too.

Now that Jessa has no friends because they’re all mad at her for dating Hannah’s pyscho yet lovable ex-boyfriend, she finagles her way into Shoshanna’s plans to drag Elijah to a women in business mixer called WEMUN (Women Entrepreneurs Meet Up Now), whose goal is to create space for women to discuss important issues like “how to rock a romper at a work event or who you should be voting for.”

All of these situations end about as well as you could expect them to.

Marnie finds out Desi’s been on Oxy for pretty much their entire relationship, which explains a lot about why his character suddenly got crazy in season 4 after being completely normal the season before. Marnie stomps on all of his pills, which he then snorts off the floor, because duh, he’s an addict, and you can’t just destroy their drugs and think that will magically fix the situation.

Meanwhile, back in Brooklyn, Shoshanna and Jessa’s night ends with Shoshanna throwing a mini hamburger at Jessa’s face during the climax of a potentially friendship-ruining fight.

Oh, and there was a totally unnecessary scene in the beginning of the episode, where Hannah stumbles into this vintage shop, develops a girl crush on the proprietor, and gets a tea set for free. Feel free to check Instagram during it. It’s not important. At least, not yet.

All in all, it’s an excellent episode, but I’m not getting my hopes up about the rest of the season. 

The trailer for the next episode literally just shows Hannah interacting with an older male in his nice ass apartment, which seems like an episode we’ve already seen before. I’m worried all this nice momentum will again be crushed under the weight of Hannah’s sexcapades.

But, at least we’ll always have “Hostage Situation.”

Gimme More POP

Do You Like?

Some things are only found on Facebook. Don't miss out.