The 5 girls every dude will tell you not to worry about
There are two types of girls: the ones who don’t worry and the ones who have been worried since they saw their friend’s sister’s roommate follow their boyfriend on Instagram two weeks ago.
A lot of this can probably be chalked up to your personality type and propensity for anxiety buuuuut on the other hand, where there’s smoke, there might be that girl from your BF’s chemistry class that seems like she needs a little too much homework help lately.
Here are the five girls every guy will tell you not to worry about. Just remember: worrying won’t keep that dirty dog from straying, so live your freakin’ life and even if shit does go down, DON’T BLAME THE GIRL.
1. The horse girl
Every school had a horse girl and if you don’t know who she was, you probably were her. In fact she probably looks down on you for not being a horse. Does she even own one? Or just horse-themed apparel? But don’t let the air-dried ponytail fool you, this girl is definitely a freak and is galloping over to steal your man.
2. One of the guys
It’s probably a warning sign that she doesn’t have any girlfriends. But she’s pretty sure it’s just because all girls are crazy! Except her of course.
She’s mildly good at drinking beer and watching pool, and extremely good at making you feel uncomfortable. Don’t even waste your time trying to befriend her cause she literally doesn’t care. Your BF probably even told you she’s “like his sister” but don’t let that fool you. He’s a freak and totally into the bro vibes she’s putting off — we all know dudes secretly wanna date each other half the time.
If you don’t believe us, this Amy Schumer sketch will really drive the point home.
3. The coworker
Not really a surprise. Coworkers spend a lot of time together, and while you’re living your daily 9-to-5 doing your thing, Heather from HR is definitely doing her thing. Don’t be surprised if she start’s popping up in social gatherings and says things like, “Wow, I didn’t know you come here!” She literally didn’t until she went 200 weeks deep in your Instagram. Now Heather knows everything.
4. The Venmo girl
This random girl with a username like LilMatchaLatte or Yung_35mm shows up on your BF’s Venmo. She uses a ton of random emojis. And you’re thinking WTF does that mean, why did she pay for smile, sushi, cat-face, rainbow, star? This is definitely code for… trying to steal your man!!! Total red flag.
And no, it was not for a school thing. Don’t even let him go there.
5. The girl with the accent
It’s not your fault you’re from Maine and not Madrid! But it’s also not her fault that her accent is such a show stopper. Honestly, kinda tough to compete with this one. May as well say adios cause she won it pretty easy.
Again: if someone’s gonna cheat they’re gonna cheat and you can’t waste your time trying to predict who it’ll be or decode what every little thing means. Kindly hand him to any one of the above and say, “he’s yours now, good luck!” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯