Are You Getting It On For The Wrong Reasons?
Thankfully, we live in a society where females are able to express themselves in whatever way they please, whether they prefer to wait for “the one,” or hop on Tinder in search of partners. However, as a chick, you can’t deny that regardless of how free you are with your lady parts, you’re always going to carry more emotional baggage than the dude lucky enough to take you home for the night. Whether you’re planning on having a new partner every night of your spring break trip to Cancun, or are just getting back into the game after ending a long-term relationship, you need to make sure you’re getting it on for you (because you really want it), and not for these reasons:
1. To Get Over An Ex: Some say to get over the last guy, you need to get under someone else. I can 100% assure you that this is absolutely not true. While it might feel good to get attention from a hottie after a bad break-up, or to finally bang the dude you’d been eyeing the whole time you were tied down, you need to give yourself time after a break-up. I’m not saying hooking up with some new dude is guaranteed to be worse than your ex (it could even be better), but your last relationship was likely not all about the physical stuff. You’re probably going to feel really bad when you realize that you don’t even actually like/know your rebound, and he’s never going to replace your ex.
2. To Boost Your Self Esteem: I know too many girls that use their bodies when they’re feeling down to feel better about themselves. Getting attention from a dude can feel great, there’s no denying it. But, finding a random dude at the bar to take you home is not a replacement for self-love. In fact, relying on guys to make you realize how hot and/or awesome you are is a path to self-destruction. You need to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you the way you want them to, and you should really work on that before you start casually smooching any guy that calls you “beautiful” (P.S: they all do that when they’re trying to get it on).
3. To Tie Down a Dude: Maybe this worked in middle/high-school when it was a big deal for guys to be sketchy on the regular. In college and adulthood, not so much. If you think a guy is losing interest in you, he probably is. Sleeping with him isn’t going to make him stick around, in fact it’s probably going to make him more likely to bolt faster now that he’s likely gotten what he wanted in the first place. If a guy is looking for a relationship and likes you for you, it won’t matter if you guys do it on the first date or on the tenth date. If he’s just looking to get it in, and it won’t matter either, sorry.
4. To Make Someone Jealous: Your ex is probably not going to care if you bang someone else, after all, he is your ex. Even if he does care, you trying to get revenge means that you’re clearly not over him and are being immature about it. The likely result is that he’s going to find a way to make fun of you for your latest actions (perhaps a Ray J “I Hit It First” moment), and you’re going to regret it. If you’re sleeping with a dude to make a girl you hate jealous, you really need to step back and realize that this isn’t Mean Girls and you’re not Regina George, grow up.
5. Because You Feel Like You Owe Them: Treat someone the way they treat you is a great phrase to live by… except for a few key instances. Just because a guy has taken you to a nice dinner, bought you a nice gift, or constantly lets you cry on his shoulder during your third time watching The Notebook, does not mean you have to hookup with him. Granted, you shouldn’t lead a guy on and keep letting him spend money/time on you if you’re not into him like that, that’s mean. But, regardless, you should never feel like you have to sleep with a dude because it’s “the nice thing to do” or because “he deserves it.” If he’s done a lot for you, bake him some cookies and buy him tickets to the big game, don’t pay him with action.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s remember why you DO sleep with someone: to have fun and get your big O on! Get it on as much you want girl, just do it for the RIGHT reasons.