How To Get Tickets To Kanye’s MSG Show If You’re Broke
Tickets for Kanye West’s mysterious and potentially game-changing Madison Square Garden performance went on sale at 10 this morning, and within an hour all that were left were tickets in the $135-$450 range.
Obviously, if you’re a broke girl, that’s not gonna happen. But there are still a few ways that you can score tickets to the world’s biggest album listening event.
1. Call up your parents and beg for an early birthday present NOW
If your parents are generous with the dollars when you’re in a bind, try calling them and explaining how your life will legit be over if you don’t go to this once in a lifetime fashion show/concert. Channel your inner teenager, and don’t be afraid to push for those tears.
But seriously, if you think you have a shot with this option, you only have fourfive seconds to make this call because today’s $135 tickets are tomorrow’s $450 resells on Ebay.
2. Find yourself a sugar daddy
As long as you’re single, or have a very understanding boyfriend, this option is super simple and almost guaranteed to work. All you have to do is register yourself online at sites like Ohlala or What’s Your Price? and put it out there that you’re looking for a guy who loves Kanye and wants to share a beautiful Thursday afternoon at Madison Square Garden together. Just be safe, k?
3. Try your luck with Tinder
Okay, so this option is sort of like cold calling, but it’s worth a shot. Pull up Tinder and swipe right for literally every guy who pops up. Then, when/if a conversation starts, casually mention that you’re dying to see Kanye’s MSG concert next week. While it’s not guaranteed that you’ll be able to find somebody who’s down to pay an exorbitant amount of money, you just may find that huge nerd who got two tickets as soon as they were released because he lives on his computer and had nothing better to do.
Or, if that doesn’t work, you can always edit your profile to say that you will put out in exchange for Kanye tickets. Obviously, trading sex for concert tickets is a little questionable, but hey, this is a questionable way of getting concert tickets anyway.
4. Sell everything you own
For the independent woman, there is an option that doesn’t include begging your parents for cash or sucking up to some rando with a fat bank roll in his pocket: selling your sh*t. Even if you don’t think you have a lot of valuable possessions, here’s a list of items you probably do have: a designer dress you got for half off at a thrift store, that guitar you never learned how to play, your mattress, your new juicer, your cat, your blood, your hair, and last but not least, your eggs.
Sure, these may be drastic measures, but at least you didn’t have to compromise your integrity to get the tickets of your dream.
5. Pick up some extra shifts at work
If you work a salaried 9-5 job, sorry, this option doesn’t apply to you. But if you work a food service, babysitting or freelance job, congratulations, your problematic employment is finally going to work to your advantage.
From now until next Thursday, pick up every single extra hour of work that you can, even if that includes begging your friends to give up their shifts in exchange for smoking them out from now until eternity.
6. Rob a bank
Just kidding. We saw how well that worked out for the ladies in Spring Breakers. Chances are, you’re not about that life right now. Or ever.
No matter which option you pick, know that even though your week is going to be rough, it’ll all be worth it when you’re sitting down at MSG listening to Kanye go on a twelve minute rant about how people don’t appreciate him enough.