Galore’s Super Bowl 2016 Cheat Sheet

We’ve told you which hotties to watch on the gridiron. We’ve all heard the song Coldplay and Beyoncé will sing at halftime. Just one tiny issue remains: WTF is up with the actual game?

The Super Bowl is this Sunday and if you don’t want to spend the entire game bored to tears when there aren’t commercials on, you’re gonna wanna know a few key facts about this particular matchup. So we talked to Jonathan Bales, professional daily sports player and owner of Fantasy Labs, who knows everything there is to know about what’s going on in football at any given moment.

Here are his SparkNotes for Super Bowl 50.

Who’s playing?

The Denver Broncos face off against the Carolina Panthers. To get here, the Broncos barely beat Tom Brady and the New England Patriots while the Panthers crushed the Arizona Cardinals.

Who’s projected to win?

Currently Vegas has the Panthers as 4.5-point favorites. They’re guessing the final score will be something along the lines of Panthers: 24, Broncos: 20.

Who’s the biggest deal on the Broncos’ offensive side?

Peyton Manning might be a shell of his former self, but despite a visibly weak arm, he’s led the Broncos to their second Super Bowl in three years.

What about Broncos defense?

Von Miller (number 58) and DeMarcus Ware (number 94). You’ll notice them as the two defensive ends who will try to bring Panther Cam Newton down almost every play.

Who’s the most important Panthers offensive player?

Cam Newton will likely be named the NFL’s Most Valuable Player, and his fondness for extended dances after his touchdowns has made him a somewhat controversial player. However, the majority of people seem to love Newton, especially kids. This is mostly due to Newton’s tradition of giving the ball to a kid in the stands following a Panthers’ touchdown.

What about the Panthers’ defense?

Luke Keuchley (number 59), who is involved on almost every defensive play for Carolina.

Can we expect some fire touchdown dances?

Cam Newton likes to hit the “Dab” after a touchdown, Panthers’ defensive end Jared Allen “ties up a cattle” following a sack, and DeMarcus Ware has the “hulk smash” which involves slamming his hands into the ground after a sack.

Who has the best nickname?

Probably Peyton Manning. “The Sheriff” is always yelling out adjustments at the line of scrimmage (most famously “OMAHA!”) and his ability to seemingly have complete control over the offense makes this a perfect fit.

Toss an insane number at us.

A 30-second commercial at the Super Bowl will cost a company anywhere from $4-5 million most years. This year is no different, as we already have confirmed commercial appearances from Steven Tyler, Liam Neeson, Abby Wambach, Amy Schumer and Seth Rogen.

Tell us an obscure fact about each team that will make us sound like the most plugged in sports fan at the party.

Broncos Fact: The Broncos didn’t even rank in the top half of the league in points scored this season, but still made it to this point.

Panthers Fact: Quarterback Cam Newton was one rushing touchdown short of the NFL lead.

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