Galore’s Fantasy Spring Breakers’ Cast

 

 

 

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The hype is real, kittens: Haromy Korine’s Spring Breakers is pretty f’n amazing. We’re gonna (attempt to) not give away any salacious spoilers, but it’s basically about small town girls who are prepared to do anything to get the f*ck out of suburbia suckiness and earn enough cash (very unconventionally…) to get wet n’ wild for a week of debauchery. That hard-partying week gets majorly extended and involves James Franco as a hilarious gangsta or something, TWO Britney Spears’ covers and blood, booze, blow (and yeah, lots of spring break-friendly boob action). Yes, seriously. The cast is picture perfect BUT that didn’t prevent us from coming up with our own fantasy cast. It is Monday after all.

Beverly Hills 90210’s Kelly Taylor (played by Jennie Garth) as Brit (played by Ashley Benson)
Ok, so, let’s be honest: Kelly Tay Tay was the ultimate hoe! And she went through A LOT of bad girlness. See: a few short-lived addictions (cocaine, diet pills) AND stealing Dylan McKay from poor Brenda! :'(

The James Franco/Vanessa/Ashley sandwich is NOTHING compared to the infamous Kelly x Dylan swimming pool scene, which I will never, EVER forget. But in case you did….

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Nancy (played Fairuza Balk in The Craft) as Cotty (played by Rachel Korine)

Can you even imagine this one? Cotty LOVES to get as crazy as Lilo on a Saturday night and she isn’t scared of rocking baby pink dip-dyed hair. But it’s all about Nancy’s penchant for spiky chokers and black lipstick snarls, you guys. Balk kills it as the demented, goth glam psycho in The Craft,  and instead of machine guns and cleavage, she could cast a spell on suitors to make them fall head over witch heels for her, and kill them with a broomstick. Meow!

Hexenclub, Der / Craft, The promo_fairuza_balk Veronica from Heathers (played by Winona Ryder) as Candy (played by Vanessa Hudgens) 

Winona f’n Ryder. ‘Nuff said. More specifically,  imagine Ryder’s take as Veronica in the cult classic known as 1988’s Heathers replacing Vanessa Hudgens (Candy) in Spring Breakers. YES PLEASE! Winona/Veronica has got the whole bashful beauty thing down, but has a dark, dark edge. TBH, I’d really like to have the former Mrs. Depp in every film ever made, basically. Winona Forever!

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Lucy from Crossroads (played by Britney Spears) as Faith (played by Selena Gomez)

Remember Britney Spears’ coming-of-age chick flick aka Crossroads? Sigh. Those were the days. Besides Harmony Korine’s obsession with Brit Brit as proven in two showstopping scenes in Spring Breakers, I couldn’t help but notice Selena Gomez’s character, Faith, is SO Brit Brit’s Lucy in Crossroads. Why, you ask? Well, both are virginal albeit with banging barely legal bodies. And both go on a journey to “find themselves” — Lucy (Brit Brit) and her bad girl pals (Taryn Manning as a pregnant mess; Zoe Saldana as a bulimic betch) go on a road trip that results in Lucy losing her virginity and winning a karaoke competition by crooning out “I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll” whilst clad in a naughty midriff. As for good girl Faith (Selena), she ends up (spoiler alert) getting arrested along with her hot mess friends for underage raging. You go, girl. Selena also has confessed to being a big Britney fan, which makes us heart her even more.
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