How To Efficiently Deal With The Sex-Drought Of Winter Break

As a college student, you count down the days until the end of finals week and the beginning of winter break. You can’t wait to go home, relax, see your high school friends, and get some home cooked meals. However, the longer that winter break drags on, the more bored you become. Half of your friends are on family vacations, there’s nothing to do in your small hometown, and your parents won’t stop asking about your “future plans.” On top of all the boredom, you’re horny as hell, and most of your free time is spent fantasizing about what (or whom) you’d rather be doing.

Even if you’re not in a relationship, I think we can all agree that sex is much more plentiful in college. It’s easy to meet guys, you have your own apartment/room, and nearly everyone at your university engages in casual sex.

Back in the town you grew up in? Things are quite different. First off, it’s very unlikely that your parents would be “chill” with you bringing home some random dude from the holiday bar crawl you attended. Even if they were oblivious to the drunk stranger you dragged home, they’d be pretty appalled to hear sex noises from your room in the middle of the night. Second, there are much less prospects when you go from your huge university to your tiny hometown. Even if your hometown isn’t tiny, it feels like it is. You don’t want to get busy with some loser from high school that still Facebook messages you asking “how u been?” and you don’t want to hook up with some guy that works at the local bagel shop either. For all you know, the bagel shop dude could still be in high school, and that shit definitely isn’t legal.

If you are in a relationship, this is even more difficult. With casual, random sex, it’s understandable that you go through periods of more sex (syllabus week) and periods of less sex (finals week). But when you’re in a college relationship (or you’re “talking” with a certain someone) you spend a lot of fucking time together (emphasis on fucking). Rather than going 0-100, you’re going 100-0, the 100 being the amount of times you had sex in November and the zero being the amount of times you’ll have sex in December.

So, how do you deal with no-dick-December?

You can’t exactly go visit your college boo who lives seven states away, and you can hardly even masturbate with your little brother trying to “hang out” all the time. But, where there’s a will, there’s a way. Not to mention being super horny and unsatisfied is the same thing as being really hungry…it makes you very angry and unpleasant to be around.

First off, you need to love yourself, literally. Your best bet to get to O-town is to get there yourself. You may not have any dildos lying around your childhood bedroom, but you honestly should’ve thought to bring one home with you. If you didn’t, go to your local mall and hit up Spencer’s for some type of vibrator and/or dildo. If that’s not an option, you’re going to have to go low tech.

Regardless of how sexually free your parents are, you certainly don’t want them walking in on you (or even knocking on your door) while you’re getting busy. Locking the door is always an option, but it’s better to find a time when neither of them are home. Other options are pretending to take a nap or doing the deed in the shower.

If you’re not in a committed relationship back at school and looking for a one (or two, or however long your winter break is) night stand, you have a couple of options. First off, don’t you go searching for your high school boyfriend’s number. That ship has sailed sweetie, and although he’d be more than down to take a thrust down memory lane, you’re better than that. If you had a hook-up buddy in high school, that could possibly work. After all, even if you catch feelings, you only have about a month before you’ll totally forget about each other again. If the thought of any guy from your high school makes you want to vom, that’s what Tinder is for. Sure, Tinder guys may not be the cream of the crop or the ultimate gentlemen, but we all know you’re looking for a random dick to suck anyways, so deal with it.

At the end of the day, your sex life when you’re home on winter break is never, ever going to compare to the wild and free sexcapades you have while in college. If you’re horny while kicking it at your parent’s house, you might just have to settle for less…or DIY.




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