Drake May Appreciate Houston, But The Only Bae In His Life Is Himself

It’s a little known fact that Drake, America’s favorite Canadian rapper, loves Houston, Texas. Nobody’s really sure why, but it’s generally agreed upon that Drake loves Houston for sentimental reasons. In 2008, after hearing Drake’s music for the first time, Lil Wayne was so enamored of the boy that he called Drake up and invited him to come out to Houston and join him on tour, and we all know how well that worked out for Drizzy.  Either that, or Beyonce’s finally starting to rub off on him.

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Whatever the reason, Drake loves Houston so much that for the past two years, he’s taken it upon himself to host a Houston Appreciation Week.  While Houston is appreciative of the attention, they wish Drake loved them enough to think of a better acronym than HAW.

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Kicking off on Thursday, Drake started off HAW with a tribute to Houston rap legend Bun B.  He got the mayor of Houston to speak, he got one of Bun B’s high school English teachers to speak, he got Hannibal Buress to wake people up by actually being interesting, and most importantly, Drake showed up and pretended to draw a mural.

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Boy, it does not take that amount of concentration to draw a hat crease.  Busted.

After that EXHAUSTING night of artistic achievement, Drake woke up on Friday with one thing on his mind: Rihanna softball.  Since Houston is obviously known for its professional softball team, it made perfect sense to put together a celebrity softball game as a part of HAW.  Even better, all the proceeds were going to the Houston Astros Urban Youth Academy, an organization which offers free baseball and softball camps (as well as life mentoring) to at-risk kids.

While most of the kids probably would have enjoyed getting an invite to hang out and drink endless amounts of wine out of goblets, looks like all they’re getting this year is better jerseys and an unlimited supply of gatorade.  More wine for Drake.

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But back to Houston.

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Even though Drake looked quite dapper in his 24 jersey (in honor of his own birthday on October 24th), at the end of the day, the boy was 0 for 2, and nobody was happy about it.

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Oh well, as Drake always says: another failure, another selfie.

On Saturday, Drake threw a pool party, and even though we’re sure he told all his homies back in Canada that it was the wildest party since Spring Break ’04, since Drake didn’t share any photos from it, we’re pretty sure the whole thing looked a little something like this:

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Talk about wet and wild.

And then came the moment we’ve all been waiting for: the launch of Champagne Papi’s Jungle tour (because obviously one can’t fully appreciate Houston until indulging in a shameless piece of self-promotion).

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The moral of this story?  Sometimes you just gotta make yourself your own bae.


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