Ask Tinderella: What’s Wrong With My Game
I have been off and on Tinder for about a year, being more active the last 2 – 3 months.
I always found on Tinder that just when I thought I’d had enough of meeting disappointing guys I’d go on a date with someone who was really awesome.
Here is the pattern:
If a guy starts a conversation it ends up with some texting and a casual meet up then fizzles out. During the “date” things go well, its never awkward, but the guy never really asks for a second date, not directly at least. Each time it seems like the guy has indirectly left me with the decision to reach out for a second date. I replied to one guy after a date, not really wanting to meet him again, the conversation afterwards just fizzled. I was more interested in the second guy I met, but again, the texting after the date kind of fizzled again, he never replied or texted me again after a couple texts and some days after the first meet up. The third date, went ok, but the guy never asked for my number or mentioned anything later on Tinder about meeting up again. I wasn’t that into this guy, and obviously he wasn’t into me either.
If I start a conversation with a guy it ends up either as a long conversation, with no initiative for a meet up or a short conversation with no reply after a while or really slow and late replies and no follow up questions.
Now what I think I am doing wrong is:
1. I just can’t seem to stay logged on for too long once I log on, I log on swipe a little or not, reply to people and log off. I am not a fan of carrying long conversations by text.
2. According to my friend my texting is boring (I’m pretty sure it is, I can’t flirt by text or be “fun” by text, I just cant )
3. Once we meet, I don’t think I flirt either, but I do smile and laugh and keep it relaxed. Maybe I seem too disinterested or too much of a “hassle”?
SO, is this a sign that I should just give up on Tinder? I mean, I know I am the type of person who takes a while to really get to know and open up. I also know that I am not that active in real life either, so Tinder could have been an OK way to date at least, but I am slowly giving up.
Hey Confused-Norwegian-Tinderer… don’t give up on Tinder! You’ve had three ‘meh’ dates, which is unfortunate, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to jump ship, it just means your luck is bound to change soon. I always found on Tinder that just when I thought I’d had enough of meeting disappointing guys I’d go on a date with someone who was really awesome. Hit and miss is the Tinder way.
As to your not being active enough, I wouldn’t worry about that too much. You’re out living your life, good for you! It’s definitely true that the more time you put into Tinder, the more likely you are to get more dates from it and thus the more likely you are to meet someone you click with. It’s just a numbers game, when all’s said and done.
I found that the best time to Tinder was while I was watching TV or a silly movie. You’ll get through a lot of profiles in that time and you’ll be more inclined to reply to messages and have conversations when you are sitting around at home.
I agree that engaging in marathon text conversations with guys is pointless – they should be asking you all those questions when you’re on a date. Ideally, they will ask you out after a short conversation where you both get to know enough about each other (just the basics) to know if you’re compatible.
If your friend thinks you are ‘boring’ and you agree this might be the case, then spice it up! The great thing about Tinder is that you can come out of your shell pretty quickly because you are talking to complete strangers… it’s an opportunity to tell that joke you thought was hilariously inappropriate. If it goes down like a lead balloon, you can delete them from your matches and move on like it never happened. If you really can’t face doing this though, then don’t worry too much. You’ll find plenty of men who appreciate your straightness.
As for not flirting on the actual dates… this is fine because you haven’t really fancied any of your dates that much (at least it didn’t sound that way). When you really like someone, you can be a little flirty – it’s all in the smize. It will come naturally when the chemistry is there.
The one thing that I can GUARANTEE is that the more you Tinder, the more comfortable with the process you will become. Stick with it and find your Norwegian Prince Charming!
Do you have a dating question for Tinderella? Email your questions to TinderellaNYC@galoremag.com with the subject ‘Dating Advice’.