The 10 Realest Moments From Chris Rock’s Oscar Monologue
The Oscars’ lack of diversity this year became the biggest story in the run-up to the Academy Awards — and pressure for host Chris Rock to call out Hollywood on its bull shit started to mount.
And a few minutes ago when Rock took the stage for his opening monologue, he didn’t disappoint. In typical Chris Rock fashion, he didn’t hold back. Here are the 10 realest moments from his speech.
Rock pointed out that Jada Pinkett Smith boycotting the Oscars wasn’t really a boycott since she’s predominantly a TV star.
Then came the zinger: “Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna’s panties.”
Plus, he argued, Will Smith still got paid $20 million for the stinker that was “Wild Wild West”…
The overwhelming whiteness of the Oscars never seemed to bother anyone in previous years as much as it did this year, Rock said. He attributed that to the fact that lynchings, rape, and other means of systematic oppression were a bit more pressing in previous years.
But, he said, maybe the montage this year would be “pictures of black kids who got shot going to the movies.”
Rock also pointed out that the Oscars are retro in other ways. Specifically, the fact that the acting awards are still divided by gender. “It’s not track and field,” he said. “Robert de Niro never said, ‘I better slow this acting down so Meryl Streep can catch up.'”
He argued that if there are categories arranged by gender, there should also be special categories organized by race, like “best black friend,” which would probably go to Wanda Sykes every year.
Rock told a story about a fundraiser with Barack Obama that he and a bunch of other Hollywood types attended the other night. “Look at all these actors, directors, and writers,” he said. “They don’t hire black people. And they’re the nicest white people on earth! They’re liberals!”
“Is Hollywood racist?” he continued. “You’re damn right it’s racist. But it’s not the racist you became accustomed to. Hollywood is sorority racist. We like you, Rhonda, but you’re not a Kappa.”
“‘Rocky’ takes place in a world where white athletes are as good as black athletes. So ‘Rocky’ is a science fiction movie. There are things that happen in ‘Star Wars’ that are more believable than things that happen in ‘Rocky.'”
“Jamie Foxx is one of the best actors in the world, man. Jamie Foxx was so good in ‘Ray’ that they went to the hospital and unplugged the real Ray Charles. It’s like, we don’t need two of these.”
“You’re not allowed to ask women what they’re wearing anymore. It’s a whole thing, ask her more… They ask the men more because the men are all wearing the same outfit… If George Clooney showed up with a lime green tuxedo and a swan coming out his ass, someone would say, ‘Hey, whatcha wearin’, Georgie?'”