The Bad Bitch End Of Summer Bucket List

This summer’s gone by quickly. Too quickly. While we’re not going to be one of those people running their mouthes off about how summer’s already over, it’s hard to believe it’s already August.  However, if there’s one thing that watching Wet Hot American Summer: First Day Of Camp has taught me, it’s that a lot can happen in one day.  Think of how much can be accomplished in a whole month.  

In this spirit, we offer up the Bad Bitch End Of Summer Bucket List.  Regardless of how you’ve been living, it’s never too late to spice up your life.  

1. Get dressed up for dinner, at least once

We all love to get fancy once in a while.  Let yourself indulge.

2. Have sex somewhere adventurous

Sex is fun, slightly public sex is often even better.  Especially if you’re not caught (unless, of course, you like that sort of thing).  There’s a fine line between a tasteful moment of passion and an embarrassing scene in the not-so-private bathroom, but part of being a bad bitch means learning how to define those lines for yourself.  Challenge yourself, and you’ll be rewarded (maybe even more than once).

3. Stay out until the sunrise

An essential summer experience.  In the winter, you’re forced to stay up til sunrise from inside the comfort and safety of your weed-filled living room.  In the summer, you get to do this outside.  Take advantage of the good weather – you’ll wish you were experiencing it in just a few month’s time.

4. Go streaking/skinydipping/free the nip

Haven’t you heard?  All the liberated women are doing it.

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5. Get yourself a tit tat

Temporary or permanent, nothing says summer fun like a gold ‘ole fashioned tit tat.

6. Successfully infuse your own booze

Why drink basic booze, when you can bad bitchify it too.  Infusing is easy and just takes a week to do its thing.

7. Successfully make a watermelon keg

Even though it should be easy, doing things with fruit can be complicated.  Besides summer, this is never really a useful skill, but you will be endowed with the skill to pimp out anybody’s party, which is a reward in and of itself.

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8. Eat a whole pizza in one sitting

Part of being a bad bitch entails knowing when to break the rules and just lavish yourself.  In the course of one evening (or afternoon), sit down with a pack of spliffs and a friend so you can have that kind of night.  You’ll never have as fast of a metabolism as you do now.  Even if it’s already not that great, you should still enjoy it while it lasts.

9. Crash, or at least attend a party that could only be described as “epic”

You’re the most game for adventures when it’s the summer, and people are prone to throw the best parties with the laxest attention to entry policies.  If your friends aren’t throwing the kinds of parties you’d like to be going through, look for the people who are and become friends with them.

11. Finally learn what contouring is

No matter how much makeup you wear on the day to day, there is a time and a place to made a radical, Cinderella-like transformation. Contouring may not be your style, but one night, it may just be appropriate thing to do. Plus, in the spirit of female friendship, girls love it when other girls do their makeup for them. Dare yourself to be that person. Also, gain a more complete understanding of what the Kardashian women have to suffer through.

10. Read a book

Nobody likes a dumb bae.

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12. Re-watch an old show like Gossip Girl

It’s cool to think about pop culture critically, haven’t you heard?  Watch an old show you remember loving and turn a sharp eye towards it.  Develop opinions on whether or not the plot was pausible and who the biggest asshole on the show was.  Pick the right show, and it’ll be like you died and went back to teenage heaven.

13. Make the perfect summer playlist 

Music makes the world go round, and it’s nice to have a playlist ready that you can put on for any minute at any occasion.  Make a two-to-three hour playlist of songs that everybody loves like “My Love”, “So Fresh So Clean” and “Pour It Up.”  Dig deep.  This playlist is an investment in your future.  Choose wisely.

14. Learn all the words to your favorite song

Sometimes a girl has to go to karaoke, mostly because it’s somebody birthday who finds this shit amusing or escapist or whatever “fun” karaoke is supposed to be.  But still, if you have to go, you should have something in your back pocket that’ll really be a crowd pleaser.  Again, this is an investment in your future.  You never know when you’ll have to go a karaoke bar again.

15. Try your hand at rolling the ultimate refreshing herbal cocktail: a chamomile, lavender spliff

Enough said.

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16. Throw a sleepover for you and your besties 

Haven’t you been paying attention to Taylor Swift?  Squads are in.  This is the summer of girl power revival, and it absolutely must be celebrated appropriately.  You never know when the season of the bitch is gonna have its revival.

17. Get your stoner crafts on like Miley

What better way to foster female friendship than by all getting together, ordering a pizza, getting super sconed, and making some fun arts n crafts ideas suck as DIY lighter decoration, collaging, and just covering your body with glitter and paint.

18. Finish a crossword puzzle

See rule 10.  And might we suggest New York Magazine’s?  It’s very pop-culture oriented.  Helps keep it fun.

19. Finally start that blog/gallery/project that you and your friends have been talking about 

20. Learn the lap dance to Nicki Minaj’s pussy power anthem: “Anaconda” 

Keep it just for yourself until you meet somebody very special.  Rock his world.


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