Ask Tinderella: Why Is He Still Using Tinder?

galore_mag_tinder_love

Dear Tinderella,

I went on a first date at a local restaurant with the perfect gentlemen. We had a fantastic first date and he was definitely interested and asked me out for a second one.

For our second date, I went to his house and we watched a movie and ordered take out. It was once again a great time. We talk everyday, all day long. We seem to have a lot in common and he seems to be super interested in me.

I know it has only been 2 dates but why does he continue to go on Tinder in his free time?

For me, I have no interest in talking to anyone else right now because I am super interested in him. I don’t even want to bother with anyone else on Tinder. I’m just not sure when it becomes an okay time to ask if he still uses Tinder or how long until its not okay that he is.

I know we are not exclusive and it’s his life and he can do whatever he wants but I just don’t know how to go about dealing with this because its kind of new to me and the Tinder adds some new difficulties to me with understanding everything. Please help! 

Anonymous

Hold your horses, Anonymous! It sounds as though you are really into this guy so hopefully I’m not too late with advice because it would be a TERRIBLE idea to bring up anything Tinder with him.

As you rightly acknowledge, until you are exclusive he is allowed to see other people (as much as the thought may hurt). After only two dates, you will totally scare him away if you even so much as hint at exclusivity. Sometimes you have to play the game to get the guy and this is one of those situations. If you want this guy to stop Tindering, your best bet is to sit back and say nothing. Let him find out on his own that you are the best thing out there.

Unfortunately, Tinder gives us the ability to see when our matches have last been active, which is essentially inviting drama. Don’t forget that people use Tinder when they are bored or when they are showing their friends how to use it – just because he’s been active doesn’t necessarily mean that he is dating other people!

In order to stay sane, I’ve made it a personal rule to NEVER look at when someone I like was last active… it saves a lot of needless worrying. If you can, try to stay away from his profile or even delete him as a match to avoid the temptation of checking in with his activity and, in the process, torturing yourself. If you need to distract yourself in the meantime then play him at his own game and get Tindering! It’s fun and will keep you from obsessing too much over one person.

One little red flag that I am seeing is that for your second ‘date’ you went over to his and watched a movie. I would be wary of men who try to bring things to that level too soon… at the beginning they should be courting you and making an effort to do fun and exciting things. Watching a movie and ordering takeout is great, of course, but it’s not second date material. Just be careful that he isn’t just in it for sex.

Bottom line is that until you guys have discussed being exclusive, you are BOTH free to do as you please. Every situation is different but as a general rule I’d say that if you still haven’t had ‘the chat’ after 3 months you should bring it up and see what his deal is.

I really hope this works out for you – keep us posted on how it turns out!

Tinderella xx

Do you have a dating question for Tinderella? Email your questions to [email protected] with the subject ‘Dating Advice’.

www.tinderellanyc.com

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