Ask Tinderella: Should I Show Up?
Love your blog! I was hoping you could provide me with some insight on a sticky situation I got myself into.
I started talking to this boy I had matched up with on Sunday. We talked throughout most of the day on Monday and Tuesday and we seemed to have hit it off well. We had arranged for a time and place to meet (tomorrow night at a bar in the East Village).
I also gave him my number, but he said he didn’t have a number at the time because he was “between phone companies” at the moment and he offered instead to text me via a texting or chat app instead.
On Wednesday, we talked very briefly and then when I went back on Tinder later on in the evening, he no longer showed up on my list of matches. I
am hoping that perhaps the new app update had caused him to delete his account instead of him unmatching me, but it’s kind of hard to confirm since I had no other way to contact him.
I had also updated my app after the update came out and I was unable to log onto the app until a patch was released earlier today. It’s now one day away from our proposed date.
Do you think I should show up at our proposed meeting time and place anyway? One of the last things he had sent me was “I’m getting excited about Friday :)” so perhaps I’m grasping at straws here, but I also don’t want to waste my time going somewhere when he had no intentions on meeting up with me.
Hi Anonymous… I am kicking myself from all angles that I didn’t see this sooner as I would have advised you NOT to show up under any circumstances. This sounds like an episode of Catfish. How was he Tindering without a phone?
Whether he blocked you or deleted the app, his story is a little implausible, and isn’t all adding up. My best guess is that he’s married, or in a relationship and is uber-paranoid about being caught. This was the case with Married Tinder… he was weirdly secretive about everything, and now I know why.
Although Friday has been and gone, I will advise you and any others in situations like this to delete the number of any guy who doesn’t confirm the date on the day. I’ve experienced this once before – I had matched with a really cute guy and we’d been bantering back and forth.
I was excited to meet him. Two days before the date, he texted me to confirm that we were meeting on Friday at 8pm. Come Friday, I heard nothing. I waited until 5pm and then sent him a text saying, ‘Are we still on?’
I was a teeny bit disappointed and my ego was slightly dented for about 10 minutes but I deleted his number, blocked him on Tinder and made other plans. There’s no reason to get hung up or upset about somebody who doesn’t respect your time.
If he’s flaking BEFORE the date, he’s likely not ready for anything meaningful.
It sounds like Catfish Tinder might have been a no-show too, but of course I hope that I’m entirely wrong about it all and you ended up having an amazing date. Will you let us all know in the comments how Friday turned out?
Sorry again that I didn’t get back to you in time, but hopefully this advice will help with future Tinders!
Do you have a dating question for Tinderella? Email your questions to TinderellaNYC@gmail.com with the subject ‘Dating Advice’.