I’m currently a 19 year old med student in London.
I’ve been a silent reader of your blog for a while now and I notice that you’ve been out with a lot of the ‘finance’ types (I don’t think all of them are as douchey as the media makes them out to be!) so I have a question about one of them.
I’ve been talking to this guy I met on yikyak (don’t judge!) he’s 23 and works in investment banking. We’ve talked almost every day for about 2 weeks. I get that with his job he can’t text often and I’m fine with that because I have to study. I’m also not the clingy type so his work schedule is great. But he never seems to ask me any questions.
We talk and flirt, he offered to meet up but I declined saying I was concentrating on my exams. He even said he doesn’t mind waiting until my exams are over and then meeting up for a coffee. I seem to be the only one asking questions, and he doesn’t seem to ever ask me about my life or anything. I don’t really know what to do, I haven’t replied to his last text (because there wasn’t anything to reply to) but he hasn’t texted me since and it’s been over a day.
When I text/flirt with a guy, I don’t do it with multiple guys at once. How do I know that they aren’t texting multiple girls at once? How do I tell the difference between a guy looking to hook up and one that’s looking for a relationship?
(Also, would investment bankers have the time to text multiple girls at the same time? Or am I overthinking this??)
A confused teen!
Hey confused teen! I think I’m a confused adult because I have no idea what yikyak is – I even Googled it and I’m still confused! It’s an anonymous app where you talk to cartoon pictures of yaks? I feel old…
Yaks aside, I have some answers to your questions. Firstly, while I commend your commitment to new relationships I do feel that you shouldn’t shut yourself off from new possibilities too soon. Until you have decided to exclusively date each other, you are both within your rights to talk to other people. I know that in London people don’t date around as much as they do in New York but the fact remains that until you are committed to somebody, the other person is free to date whomever they like. So, as frustrating as it can be at times, you can’t assume that someone you’ve just met is only texting you. All you can do is trust that if it’s meant to be, what you have will make him realize that he doesn’t WANT to talk to any other girls. But don’t forget that you are also allowed to flirt with whomever you like until you are in a relationship!
As for weeding out the ‘hook up’ guys, this can be tricky! You can’t ever really know what somebody’s intentions are because some men will say anything to get laid. The best course of action is to hold out on the sex until you are sure of where you stand – if he’s after a quick hook up then he’ll disappear pretty quickly and you will have kept your dignity, but if he’s looking for something more serious then he will respect you for not giving it up right away.
And in answer to your last question, investment bankers are some of the worst players out there – at least in my experience! But obviously there are some great ones too. Everyone is different so don’t worry too much about his career for now, just focus on getting to know him.
It sounds like this particular guy isn’t giving you the attention that you would like from him, and honestly if it’s lacking this early on, he may not be worth investing more energy into but I think you should still meet him if he asks you out again- he could be better in person!
You are still a teen, which means you have a lot of dating adventures ahead of you – enjoy them!
Do you have a dating question for Tinderella? Email your questions to Tinderella@galoremag.com with the subject ‘Dating Advice’.