Ask Tinderella: How Do I Text Him?


Dear Tinderella,

Long time fan and brand-spanking new Tinderer here! You totes inspired me to join, I turned 27 this year as well. I downloaded the app 2 weeks ago and am now having the first conversations with my matches. One of the reasons I joined, other than to meet someone incredible, is to up my texting game. Not gonna lie, I’ve been told point blank by dates that I’m not doing this right.

Not being very social on and offline, I don’t go out often, but when I do I’ve always met someone (complete credit goes to my wingwoman who is extremely generous with my number). We have a great night out, maybe flirt a bit – I’m not so bad in person. This is followed by a text the next day leaving the ball in my court, where I promptly drop it. I really struggle with the whole timing and flirtation thing when body language and intonation isn’t involved, and fear that I’m coming off dull or worse irritable. It’s anxiety inducing and I’d rather stop responding to texts than give myself a hernia coming up with a witty reply, even if it means missing out on something great.

Even when I’ve thought there was a connection, I’ve found it doesn’t get any easier to maintain a fluid conversation. This is a problem I don’t have with my friends, I’m always ready to text someone back. It’s just that I feel cripplingly unsure of how to text a guy because you’re always weighing what their reaction will be. I’ve been advised to throw in more exclamation points and emojis to show excitement and interest, but it doesn’t feel natural.

I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes I have in the past. Tinder is a text based platform, no way of avoiding it. You’ve mentioned texting with matches all day or all night in this blog before. I know a lot of it has to do with chemistry but what would you say is your best tips are for having a fun/flirty/engaged conversation in text? And how to keep it going?

Thanks a milli <3

Texting Novice

Let me start by pointing out that you have written in a very charming and sweet letter, and even used an emoji of sorts! Your Tinder banter is all there, you just need to own it.

Tinder texting has it’s own set of rules, and while you ideally want to come across as witty, smart and fun, this is not something that you just manufacture with a well placed emoji and exclamation mark. If these things don’t come naturally to you then don’t force it and just be yourself. There’s literally nothing worse than somebody trying to be funny with ‘one-liners’.

I would worry less about upping your Tinder game, and more about making sure that you reply to the guys you like. If you don’t reply, they will eventually give up. With that said, it’s a blessing in disguise if you’re not really into the text marathons – it’s been my experience that men appreciate a girl who doesn’t need to text all day (guilty). The less you give away about yourself, the more he’ll want to get to know you over a drink.

Honestly, if a guy thinks you are cute and relatively inoffensive (i.e. don’t say something weird like, ‘I’m kind of into testicle dissection’), chances are that he’ll ask you out for a drink.

I can also promise you that you will get the hang of Tinder. It can be a little awkward at first to be flirty or funny with strangers but the more people you speak to, the more used to it you will become. You’ll be fine, Texting Novice – I believe in you!

Write back with an update on your Tinder escapades!

Tinderella xx

Do you have a dating question for Tinderella? Email your questions to with the subject ‘Dating Advice’.

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