Ask Tinderella: How Can I Set Up My Shy Friend Using Tinder?

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Do you have a dating question for Tinderella? Email your questions to [email protected]? with the subject ‘Dating Advice’.

Hi Tinderella,

I have been using Tinder for a while and I enjoy confiding about my range of dates to one of my close friends, similar to how you do on your blog. She has been single and looking for a while too, however she is not as open about downloading and meeting guys on Tinder as I am. She temporarily used the app but almost immediately a guy she knew saw her on it, called her out on it, and she got flustered and deleted it since then. I’ve tried to convince her to try again but she refuses.

Anyway, she told me to keep an eye out for any guys who are her type while I am using the app. I agreed that it would be a cool idea to somehow set her up with a guy from Tinder… but through me. Do you have any advice of how I could go about doing this, or whether I even should? For example, how would I tell a guy on Tinder that I actually want to set him up with my friend, or should I be more subtle about it? She’s very conventionally attractive but also rather different in looks than me (different height, hair color, eye color, etc.). In addition, we have almost opposite preferences in guys.

xoxo,

Trying to be a good friend

Hmm… this is a new one! You ARE a good friend by the way, your friend is lucky to have someone like you in her life. Obviously, the best thing would be if you could convince your friend to put herself out there and get her own profile but it sounds like you’ve already tried this so let’s get down to business. Tindering on her behalf could be a really fun experiment.

For starters, why don’t you put at least one or two photos of the two of you in your profile, so that you can show potential Tinder suitors what she looks like. You also want to avoid any mention of your friend’s shyness/fear of Tinder as that could be read as a lack of confidence or perhaps make her sound a little awkward.

Here’s how I would open the conversation:

‘Hey so this is kind of strange I realize, but I’m actually seeing someone… probably should have deleted it a while ago but I totally forgot I still had it on my phone! My friend was playing around on it last night though and you actually look PERFECT for her. She’s the one in the second photo. Can I play matchmaker?’

Overselling your friend could make her sound like a desperate case so I think that the less you say, the better. If he asks about her just tell him what she does, where she’s from, how old and one complimentary thing about her personality (i.e. ‘She’s hilarious’). From there, you should pass over the number if he’s interested and let him get to know her himself.

For the purpose of this experiment, you should also be mindful of swiping guys who are your friend’s type (in addition to the guys you fancy, of course).

I once had a terrible date (Foodie Tinder) and although he was all the things I don’t want in a man, throughout the date I couldn’t stop thinking that he would be PERFECT for my foodie friend. I set them up by sending a text a week after our date saying, ‘I think you’d be perfect for my friend’, and they dated for a few months – which by New York’s standards is nearly as serious a commitment as having your first child, so I’d call this a smashing success… Tinder set-up’s can be done!

I think that the ‘set-up’ can work really well if you are in tune with your friends taste in men. Sometimes it can take the pressure off, which can enhance a good date. Also, men and women alike love a good ‘story’ when it comes to dating, so I think you’ll find that most men will be intrigued and want to meet your friend.

I don’t think I’m the only person who is suuuper curious to find out how this story ends… will you check in in a few weeks with updates? I’m already dying to know if you have success setting her up!

Your fellow matchmaker, Tinderella xx

Do you have a dating question for Tinderella? Email your questions to [email protected]? with the subject ‘Dating Advice’.

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