Ask Tinderella: He’s Still On Tinder After Two Months

Dear Tinderella!

I am 20 years old Polish girl, who moved to Northern Ireland recently. I was feeling lonely and I thought it would be lovely to find a nice fella, so I started my searching and I’ve found him! Athletic, tall, quite handsome, 27 years old Irishman. He has two jobs, so we meet up more or less twice a week (he’s a part-time sergeant in the army and a full-time police officer).

We’ve been dating for two months, we had sex a few times and each date was amazing! He’s just lovely, I totally adore his company. He texts me very often, a few times a day, last week he texted me that “he loves my company and spending time with me”, but he still remains active on Tinder and now I am active as well to see if he is. I think I may be not his Tinderella. 

Please, write soon.

Girl in Despair

Oh Girl in Despair, I’m sending you hugs from New York because that really is the worst feeling but DON’T despair! You may well be his Tinderella!

I’ve said it before that one of the greatest curses of Tinder is the ability to see when someone is ‘last active’. It’s literally just inviting crazy stalking from all angles. I made a rule with myself to never check in on someone I liked because it would drive me completely nuts if I saw that they’d been on recently… Even if I had, too.

You have to remember that Tinder is a phone app, and people use it mindlessly without necessarily having the intention of dating someone from it. If your man has been active, it may well be in moments of boredom at work. With that said, you guys aren’t exclusive so if he’s dating that would technically be ‘allowed’.

I think that two months in, you are within your rights to ask where you stand with him. Whatever you do, DON’T MENTION THAT YOU’VE SEEN HE’S ACTIVE ON TINDER as this could make you look demented (or at least overbearing).

As a 27 year old, with lots of 27 year old male friends, I can tell you that your age may play a factor in his reluctance to commit… When you’re over the hill like I am, 20 seems pretty young. He may be worried that you aren’t quite in the same place as life as he is. But maybe he’s not an ageist like me, who knows.

Moving forward, if you really like somebody then your best bet is to hold out on sex until you are sure of a commitment from them. It helps to identify the guys who are looking for something more serious.

Anyway, please don’t despair… You are a twenty year old Tinderella with lots of great dating adventures ahead if this guy doesn’t turn out to be Prince Charming!

Tinderella xx

This post was originally published May 15, 2015.

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