Ask Tinderella: Did I Just Get Dumped By Phone?
I love hearing your stories!
I met a guy on Tinder in October, he lives an hour away and was working full time and taking a class for a certification he is working on. We sent messages via text everyday for a month before the class ended and he said he had time to meet. Our first date lasted seven hours… we hung out and talked the entire time.
Over the course of the next five months we continued to text every day. He spent New Years and Valentines Day with me and even gave me flowers on Valentines day. Then he started becoming more distant. I would only get a couple of texts from him a day. Ok, fine. He then started another class for this program. I saw him once after that.
When I asked him to come visit me (I had gone to visit him last) a couple weeks ago he said he was busy and outlined his weekend and then said he didn’t think that he would have much time with class and a sport that he plays outside of work/class over the next month.
Did I really just get dumped via text?! After dating for so long?! I haven’t heard from him in over a week. A lot of my friends are saying forget him, which I definitely should, but I can’t believe a grown man would end it this way. At least have the balls and say, ‘hey I don’t think it’s working out’. Not, ‘I’m too busy to see you’. What do you think this is? Do I take him literally or did I really just get dumped by text?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yup I’m pretty sure this guy ended it with you. I 100% agree that he should have had the decency to AT THE VERY LEAST pick up the phone and call you, but welcome to the plight of the modern dater … it’s all too easy to avoid an uncomfortable situation by dealing with it via text message.
With that said, it sounds like you were being ‘phased out’ before this text. I’ve been in a situation quite similar to the one you are describing and I intuited that something wasn’t right so ended up picking up the phone and calling him out (before he had the chance to end it over text… which I’m sure he would have done too). It turned out that he’d met someone else who lived closer to him. This is usually the cause of a long-distance guy dropping out of your life.
If you’ve been dating for such a long time then I think you are well within your rights to ask him what the deal is… but be aware that you probably won’t like the answer. Just remember that when somebody makes a decision to end something, they usually are pretty sure about that decision so weigh up whether it’s even worth chasing this guy for answers. If you decide you really need an answer, I think the best way to go about it might be a text saying something like, ‘I understand that this is over but it would help me move on to know why.’
Ideally, though, you just delete his number and move on to the next. If this guy didn’t give you the respect of officially ending things with you then he has some serious growing up to do.
Let us know if you get an answer from him and keep Tindering in the meantime!
Do you have a dating question for Tinderella? Email your questions to TinderellaNYC@galoremag.com with the subject ‘Dating Advice’.