Are You On The Healthy Train Or The Party Train?

Rula Al-Nasrawi is a Columbia Graduate whose writing has appeared in ViceThe Atlantic, and other online publications. Her first language is valley girl. Californian bred, NYC residing. @RulaOfTheWorld

So, I’ve noticed that there seems to be a disparity between people in their twenties who rage and people in their twenties who don’t.  These days, it seems like a sort of Civil War between the people taking shots of Skyy and the people taking shots of wheatgrass. I know, I know. You’re thinking to yourself, “Well, I can manage to do both…Be healthy and party!” If that’s you then congratulations, you’re perfect. I’m talking about the passive aggressive tension that lies between the people that go to bed at 10pm vs. the people waking up at 10pm from their pre-rage nap. Healthy train vs. crazy train.

Exhibit A: Twenty-something who doesn’t rage

The person in their twenties who doesn’t rage is completely in control. You are the master of your own world. You wake up at around the same time each day and make yourself a fresh juice. If you’re not making yourself a juice, you’re thinking about juice. Ragers are NEVER thinking about juice unless it’s the OJ in a mimosa or the tomato in a Bloody Mary.

You usually are into working out. That way you can pretend that you’re at the club while on a treadmill, Diplo track bumping and sweat trickling down your neck. You’re also doing very well at work. I mean, I would assume so because what the hell else are you doing not going out ever? For you, “having one too many” is the second cocktail at a happy hour date with your co-worker.

Usually this person is friendly, since they’re never hungover. But when faced with Exhibit B, this person lives to ruffle their feathers and show them what they’re all about. This person’s new task becomes to rip Exhibit B into shreds with passive and even physical aggression. If Exhibits A and B were in the Hunger Games, Exhibit A would win.

Exhibit B: Twenty-something who rages

The person in their twenties who lives for the rage never wakes up before 10am. You are not the master of your own world, you’re actually just an indentured servant to the night. You wake up and chug five glasses of water and go back to sleep. Meanwhile Exhibit A just finished running the mile and is now on their second banana kale smoothie.

Like a college student overstaying their welcome at a kick back, you just don’t know when to go home. Dinner with friends turns to drinks with friends turns to after hours with “can you say your name one more time?” turns to 8am. You live off of slices off buttered toast to save money for the gram of molly you’re going in on at end of the week—but you’re not doing it all at once obviously. You’re not a druggie like that. Oh but you’re non-raging friends, the ones that are either too busy or too grown up or too married to join you in your debauchery, that person looks at you like you’re Amanda Bynes. “Oh wow…going out again huh?” YEAH I’M GOING OUT AGAIN YOU MAD? Ragers in their twenties may often find themselves using the terms “I’m a mess!”, “What am I doing with my life?” and “Today, I’m taking it easy….no shots.” But you know what? Exhibit B can still find a way to balance work and play. They’re still getting ravaged by Exhibit A in the wild, but whatever. Party in the afterlife I guess.

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