7 Thoughts You Have When You Bring Your Boo Home For Thanksgiving
Bringing home your boo for the holidays always seems like a great idea at the time. I mean, you love your boyfriend, and you love your grandma’s mashed potatoes, what could go wrong? Turns out, pretty much everything. In between your drunk grandma asking for grandkids, your dad asking for your boyfriend’s entire family history, and your little brother trying to play football; you hardly have time to save your poor boo from the onslaught of your crazy family.
1. Please Don’t Bring Out My Baby Pictures
Yes, mom, I know that you love that photo of me picking my wedgie outside the Grand Canyon, but can we withhold that for this one holiday? Not to mention that if you could hide all the pictures from my awkward fat stage between ages 12-16 that would be superb. In fact, can we just pretend I was this hot and perfect my entire life?
2. Or Mention My Ex Boyfriend
You may not have the one that got away, but you probably have the one that you’re glad you got rid of. Dating a college dropout who worked at Domino’s when you were in high school seemed super cool at the time (hello, free pizza), but now that he still lurks around your hometown selling coke, it’s not so cool anymore…
3. Can You Stop Shoving Food On His Plate?
It would be a lot easier to avoid having the conversation about your boyfriend’s veganism if your grandmother didn’t keep shoving turkey on his plate. Bae’s body is a temple, why can’t your family understand that? Moreover, if your family loves to feed you so much, can they send you food other times of the year so that you could save some money?
4. Where Are We Supposed To Fuck?
In a perfect world, our libidos could take a rest for a long weekend. In reality, they can’t. Not to mention that all the stress of Thanksgiving weekend makes you really wish you had some dick to soothe you down. Unfortunately, with your entire family running around the house, it seems unlikely that you’re going to be able to get freaky in your room without your little sister running in and shouting “PENIS!” Maybe you could throw it back to your high school years and get it on in your car?
5. Can My Little Cousin Stop Hitting On Him?
Okay, so your little cousin Debbie finally got boobs and got her braces off. She also got an Instagram and keeps posting bikini selfies. While you can avoid the weirdness of your little cousin looking like a wannabe porn star, you can’t avoid the fact that she keeps trying to flirt with your boo over the bowl of cranberry sauce. Can’t she go for guys her own age or something? You have enough problems that you shouldn’t have to get jealous of a 14 year old.
6. No, We’re Not Getting Married
You finally got him to make things “official” after being a booty call for six whole months, the last thing you need is your grandparents asking when the wedding is. Hello Grandpa, this is 2015, not 1950. We’re not getting hitched in our early 20’s, we’re swiping on Tinder for free pizza.
7. Where’s the wine?
At the end of the day, there’s only one way to deal with your family on Thanksgiving, and that’s by drinking wine. Red, white, rose, set those bottles right next to your plate of stuffing and go to town. If anything bad happens, at least you won’t remember it the next day?
Photo courtesy of Interesting Things