7 Things We’ll Miss The Most About American Apparel

You guys, things aren’t looking good for American Apparel.  Their sales have fallen by 17.2%, they’ve lost 87% of their stock value and they’re $210.6 million deep in debt.  In a recent press release, the company even went so far as to say, “We believe that we may not have sufficient liquidity necessary to sustain operations for the next twelve months…These factors, among others, raise substantial doubt that we may be able to continue as a going concern.” Ouch.

While the company waits in vain for an angel investor that may never come, we’re counting down the seven things we’ll miss the most about American Apparel when it inevitably declares bankruptcy or becomes so white-washed that we wish it had:

1. All those pervy photos

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Okay, I know we’re supposed to hate that American Apparel blatantly used sex to sell its clothing, not to mention that a handful of the models were either underage or forced into sexual situations with ex-CEO (and all around perv) Dov Charney, but I’ll always feel a little nostalgic when I see one. Like we used to live in a world where all of the photos on a major retail outlet’s website looked like this:

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And this picture was on a f-cking billboard:

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Never again will we live in an age of such innocence as to the responsibility of a retail establishment in regards to their depiction of the female sex.  Sigh.  Doesn’t anybody know that LA is supposed to be seedy?

2. They’re pro-bush

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Jen Chung/Gothamist / Via gothamist.com

Remember how earlier this year, the American Apparel mannequins decided to celebrate the fact that they were single again for Valentine’s day by letting their bushes grow out? No? Well, that’s because only the Lower East Side girls felt so bold, but it happened, okay? Some people thought it was pervy, some thought it was bad ass, and some people were just confused as to why a mannequin would have public hair to begin with. To the those people I say, you already accept that these inanimate objects have have hair on their heads, so just suspend suspend your disbelief a little more.

3. They were down with homosexuality before the Supreme Court was

 american_apparel_legalize_gay_galore_magThere’s a lot to complain about with American Apparel, but at least they’ve always stood by homosexuals. Loudly. From their popular “Legalize Gay” shirts to hiring a group of drag queens to be their cover girls, American Apparel isn’t secretly funneling money to conservative politicans who think abortions should be illegal and homosexuality should be outlawed, like some hugely profitable companies I know (and wear, albeit on the low).

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Mmmhm.  Just look at those fishy queens werrrrrrrrrkkkkkkk!

4. They make the softest, more durable clothing

And they should because nothing in that store is cheap.  That being said with the exception of one denim skirt which got stretched out after a summer’s worth of wear, every article of clothing I’ve ever bought from American Apparel has not only lasted years, but it’s so comfortable I never want to take it off.  F-ck, now I’m gonna start crying.

5. All the horrible things that came out of Dov Charney’s mouth

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Like I said before, Dov Charney is an absolute sleezbag who said terrible things to his employees, but taken out of context, they’re actually pretty hilarious. For instance, while it’s disgusting to think of your boss saying to you, “Daddy is so excited to play with the most little tiny blonde cum kitten in the whole school,” the idea of going home with a guy who thinks calling you a “cum kitten” is sexy, is hysterical.  Full disclosure: my boyfriend calls me this regularly, and I absolutely love it.

6. The Print Shop

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Grace Miceli

Do you have a soft, indipendently printed t-shirt that you love? Look on the label. Chances are the shirt itself is from American Apparel. Where will these DIY designers go now? Question mark indeed.  And P.S. ladies, don’t let Art Baby Girl‘s furby shirt pass you by: buy it today.

7. All those leggings

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Okay, so yeah, this isn’t 2010 anymore and we’ve all been successfully brainwashed into thinking that leggings aren’t pants, but still, where else can I buy vegan leather, pink holographic, american flag-printed leggings all in one place?  The answer:  nowhere.

FOR THE LOVE OF LEGGINGS, PLEASE SOMEBODY KEEP AMERICAN APPAREL OPEN!

And, on a lighter note, here’s the seven things Miley Cyrus likes the most about you:

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