7 Things Girls Actually Want For Christmas
Gone are the days of Pink Barbie Convertibles and Shiny New Bikes under our tree… we’ve gotten older, and (maybe) wiser, and although as girls we never really know what we want, there are some things that anyone with a vagina would like for Christmas. They may not ya know, be things that our beloved parents or boyfriend’s can actually get us… but if you love us, you should be willing to try!
1. A workout that will give you Jen Selter’s ass, Katy Perry’s tits, and Rihanna’s abs.
No matter how many hours we sweat at the gym or how many failed juice cleanses we try, there always seems to be something missing. You lose weight? Awesome! Until you realize that most of that weight came from your tits.. not awesome. How about when you do so many squats that you’re finally proud of how your booty is looking, and then spring rolls around and you realize your quads are bulging out of all your shorts…
2. Nick Jonas, Ryan Gosling, and/or Adam Levine.
I threw an “or” in there, but you know, I think I could definitely handle them all at once, bring it on Santa!
3. Calorie- Free Alcohol
Drinking every night in college is all fun and games until it’s time for spring break and you look less like Adriana Lima and more like Fat Amy… while you’re at it St. Nick, you can make those Christmas cookies calorie free too, and that Honey-baked ham, and you know… maybe everything?
4. An unlimited expense account for your shoe collection
It’s really a tragedy that how no matter how many shoes we own, it’s never enough. My friends tease me for the amount of shoes crowding my room, yet I still don’t own a pair of basic black booties or the jelly sandals I’ve been wanting all year. While we’re at it, I think we might need a new closet to go with it, preferably one similar to Cher’s in Clueless.
5. A boyfriend that’s ya know, perfect in every way.
Oh, you wanted a ripped guy with baby blue eyes and a high paying job who’s amazing in bed AND always texts back within .05 seconds? Oh, sweetie, maybe next Christmas… or never. Maybe you can ask for a sugar daddy instead?
6. A Magic Mirror
We all know that we’re our own harshest critics, and we could all use some extra confidence for those days where you just feel “blah.” Remember in that movie Aquamarine when she had those earrings that always said how beautiful, brave, and awesome she was? Yeah, we’ll take that on our mirror please.
7. A Plan
You graduate in May? I’m sure your Christmas will be great! Filled with every single relative asking you what’s your plans after graduation, and guess what? You have no f***ing clue.