7 Basic Red Flags That Should Make You Ditch a Dude
As girls, we overthink–a lot. When we meet a new potential bae, we’re imagining what he’s like in bed before he’s even properly introduced himself. Once he’s introduced himself and smiled at us, we’re planning our wedding day.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could rub a crystal ball when we meet a dude and see if he’s going to break our heart? If he’s going to pull a disappearing act? If he’s going to try to f*ck our little sister behind our back?
I can’t provide you with any fortune telling abilities, but I can give you things to watch out for when deciding if a guy is worth your time. Obviously this isn’t a “one size fits all” type of deal, but better safe than sorry. In my opinion, it’s always better to expect the worst– especially when it comes to men.
1. He Has a Bunch of Crazy Exes
Crazy according to who? As much as you might want to believe that his exes were all insane and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him, it’s probably a lie. If a guy claims that his exes are all crazy, the truth is that he’s probably the crazy one. Or worse, that he makes girls crazy (and not in a good way).
2. He Has More Instagram Followers Than You Do
Studies have shown that people who take selfies have underlying issues, and although my Instagram is filled with mirror-pics of myself, I don’t think these studies are wrong. This rings true especially for guys. While it might be common for every 20-something chick to snap a pic of her “hotdog or legs” on the beach, it’s not so mainstream for a dude to do the same. If a guy is not a model, bodybuilder, or any other career that requires him to post selfies every hour, he’s probably either really cocky or really self-conscious (hint: neither are traits you want in a boyfriend). Worse, if he’s super popular on Instagram he probably has a slew of pre-teen girls commenting “COME TO BRAZIL” on his pics. Is that really the type of sh*t you want to get jealous over?
3. He Doesn’t Seem To Have Many Guy Friends
Guys in groups can be complete dogs. So if a guy can’t even find any guys to hang out with, he must be a new level of creep. If he seems to live with random roommates, is always free to see you, and never mentions any of his bros, you might want to re-evaluate. Not to mention that if he isn’t spending time with guys, he’s probably spending his time with other girls (that he also wants to f*ck).
4. He Gets Defensive…Fast
You know when you’re fighting with your sister over your favorite tube top, and when you tell her she can’t borrow it, she tells you that you look fat in it anyways? I never understood how angering someone that you’re trying to win over is supposed to make them want to take your side. However, crazy dudes haven’t realized this. If you last minute cancel plans and he’s weirdly dick-ish about it, take note. If you need an example of what I’m referring to, please see this lovely text message convo that I had the pleasure of engaging in.
5. He Messages You on Weird Platforms
If a dude is messaging you on Instagram instead of iMessage, he’s probably hiding you from somebody (namely, his girlfriend). If he only seems to text you at certain hours of the day, he’s also probably not worth your time (unless you’re also looking for an easy booty call). If he’s one of those guys that tries to have a real conversation via snapchat? Just jump out the nearest window…now.
6. He Sucks In Bed…And Doesn’t Improve
While there is the off-chance that this dude sucks in bed because he hasn’t had much experience, let’s not play the innocent card too soon. This is 2016, having sex is as easy as using your thumb to swipe left or right on Tinder. If a guy is over 18, it’s very likely that he’s had more sexual partners than you can count on your gel-manicured fingers. The real reason he sucks in bed is probably because he’s never had a long-term relationship. Dudes that are the best in bed are way more likely to have had a long term girlfriend, simply because she was able to teach him what women like and how to do it. Even if he isn’t naturally good in bed, if he’s worth your time and cares about you, he’ll put the time and effort into figuring out what makes you squeal.
7. He Thinks Pizza Is An Acceptable Cuisine For Every Meal
If any college-aged dude is reading this, he’s probably blacklisting me as I speak. Regardless, I’m not saying that a guy has to be a five star chef or attend a trendy sushi house for dinner every night. I am saying that someone who eats pizza every day is clearly not interested in health, not able to cook (and might not even appreciate good cooking), can’t plan ahead, and doesn’t mind monotony. I don’t know about you, but none of these things are something I value in a person, let alone a future boyfriend. Sorry pizza obsessors, there’s a line to draw somewhere and I’m doing it.