6 Things You’ll Only Encounter At Fashion Week Parties

If you’ve never been to a fashion week party, you’re probably wondering what they’re like. Does Anna Wintour take shots and twerk on the table? Is Karlie the type of girl to let a guy grind up on her and then mouth “is he cute or ugly” to her wing girl Taylor?

Unfortunately, fashion week parties can be pretty hit or miss, and they’re probably not as cool as you think they are. But there are a couple things that you can guarantee you’ll see at every fashion week party, from VFILES to Proenza Schouler.

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1.  A Huge Horde of People Claiming They Know Someone Important

There are two types of people at fashion week parties: celebrities and other people. Unless you’re a Kardashian or were featured on Vogue’s website, you’re just as good as every other person standing in the huge fucking line. Being on “the list” doesn’t mean that you always get to cut to the front. It doesn’t matter if you work for Paper or if you’re friends with the designer’s assistant. Instead, you get to join the line and fight to the death among dudes in mesh tank tops and girls in platform sneakers.

2. Boys Who Look Better Than You In a Dress

Gay guys will always be the stars of fashion week after parties. They might be wearing bedazzled overalls, a leopard print velour sweatsuit, or a maxi dress, but if he’s wearing the exact same dress that you’re wearing, he probably looks better in it than you do. Oh also, his eyebrows are way more on fleek.

3. That Classic Feeling Of Not Being Cool Enough

Everybody stresses over what to wear to a fashion week party. Even those people who “don’t care what people think” and who “don’t follow trends.” If you try to be edgy and wild, you suddenly feel like you went overboard and wish you went for the classic model-off-duty minimalist look. If you go for a classic black on black fashion look, you suddenly wish you went for a baby pink pleather mini skirt and Britney Spears-esque hair fluffs like the girl standing next to you at the bar. You can’t win with your fashion week outfit. There will always be someone with a cooler outfit, better makeup, and getting way more pics snapped of them. Sorry.

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4. People Trying Really Hard To Not Seem Excited About Anything

Jeremy Scott is standing right next to you? Who cares? A guy is stripping off his G-string in front of your face? No biggie. A fire started on stage and is spreading rapidly? Meh, just take another selfie.

It’s not cool to be “excited” about stuff at fashion week parties. Instead, everyone hangs out in their perfectly curated outfits in their small circles, casting side eyes to search for celebrities, all while acting like they’re super unfazed by everything around them.

5. People Who Don’t Look Any Age

Everyone looks simultaneously older and younger than you, and you’re very confused.

6. A Realization of How Bad You Are At Recognizing Celebs

Oh, that DJ looks familiar. So does that girl in the stripper heels that’s getting photographed. Maybe you saw her in a commercial? Or on this website? Or maybe she just contours like every other girl on Instagram and you’re confusing her for one of those other wannabe-Kylie girls? F*ck, who knows? Maybe just take a selfie with them in case they’re important!

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