6 Things We Learned from Scandal Last Night
Last night was the return of ABC’s TGIT television lineup of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, and How to Get Away with Murder since their winter finales last month (oh…the withdrawal). And Scandal did not disappoint as we picked up moments after Olivia Pope, patron saint of light-colored clothing and full-bodied wine, is kidnapped out of her home. In between all of the hashtag-worthy moments (Hey Gladiators!) we managed to learn a few crucial life lessons that might help us the next time we’re in a jam.
1. You can track the progress of Olivia’s abduction through the state of her hair
Much respect to the show keeping it real here. There is no way Olivia could maintain her glossy tresses while being held in the ‘middle east’ without a ceramic flat iron, heat-protectant, and at least a hand mirror; that’s fact-based television.
2. The uncomfortable underwire from your bra can serve as a lockpick or flathead screwdriver
Those MacGyver re-runs aren’t just for your parents kids: and apparently the wire that always cuts into your boob finally ends up being useful when you’re a hostage so….you’re all set for when that goes down.
3. Not news, but a welcome confirmation: Scott Foley never needs to wear clothes on this show again
PROMISE ME SHONDA
4. Never trust your fellow captive
Come on Liv! The dude wasn’t rocking nearly enough stubble to make his captivity believable! What kind of hostage has a light 5 o’clock shadow??
5. YELL. JUST YELL
Hopping back to the beginning for a moment: we could have wrapped this up in the first five minutes if Olivia had gotten off a good scream before the duct tape showed up. Am I right?
6. Never leave the gun behind
I get it, I get it. We need to keep her in captivity and play out this plot, but next time? Kill the first captor and take the gun with you! Olivia, if you’d shot your way out, we could have gone back to the outfits, scandal-fixing, and mixed-message love affairs that we’re really here to see.