6 Situations We Wouldn’t Have Survived Without Our Wing-Woman
Men come (& cum) and go, but there’s something about your best lady friend that’ll always come first. There’s nobody else that can know exactly what you’re saying through eye contact, or anybody else that knows your secret to giving the best blowjob on planet earth. Sure, sometimes we get wrapped up in a really sexy dude and almost fall guilty of ditching our girlfriend, but at the end of the day he’ll probably fuck us over and we’ll be right back with our BFF. Here’s an ode to all the situations we wouldn’t have made it through without our favorite wing-woman.
1. On Your Walk Of Shame
Although I still advocate against the use of the term “walk of shame,” I must admit that it can still be pretty painful on your own. The best case scenario is that you and your wing-woman happen to shack up with two roommates, because then the next morning can be a gossip-filled walk back to your apartment where you compare the dude’s dick sizes, techniques, and whether or not you remember their names. I’ll never forget the morning I was sneaking out of my current booty call’s room at 8 am, when my BFF texted me saying that it was snowing while she walked home in her heels. Needless to say, I made as much noise as possible until my dude offered to give me a ride home. If it hadn’t been for my girl, I would’ve been trudging home in the snow too.
2. When You Need Morning After Clothes
If your friend made it to her bed safely last night, she can help assist you the next morning while you attempt to piece together your night and search for your other shoe. If you don’t want to walk home in your bra-top and leather shorts, you can always call your girl to come bring you some semi-appropriate clothing for the daytime. It doesn’t matter if your BFF and you don’t have the exact same style (or size), anything is better than going home in men’s gym shorts and your Steve Madden pumps.
3. When You Need An Escape Route
The true test of friendship is when your friend can know that you are not interested in a dude by the look in your eyes. Just a quick glance at your BFF while some random guy continues talking about his “sick” fraternity party, and she’s coming up and whisking you away to go to the “bathroom.” And by bathroom, I mean tequila shots.
4. When You Need To Get Laid On a Monday
Who goes out on Mondays? You and your bitch do, that’s who. If the dude you’re crushing on finally invites you out to drinks with him and his teammate, you know you’re dragging your girl along with you. Even if the friend is ugly, you know she’ll appreciate the free drinks and excuse to get turnt on a weekday.
5. After Your Break-Up
After a bad break-up, a good friend will tell you that it’s going to be alright and bring you those peanut butter Snickers that you love, but a best friend will bring over a bottle of tequila and a hot new outfit for you to wear out to the club. Sure, we all know that re-bounds aren’t the best way to get over a bad break-up, but when did we ever listen to our own advice anyways?
6. In Those Drunken Bathroom Disasters
You know that time you thought you were being sexy as fuck while talking to the Eagles linebacker at the bar? Yeah, your wing-woman had to drag you to the bathroom to show you that the blowjob shots you took earlier smeared your lipstick all over your face…Also, don’t forget about that time that you needed someone to help you puke and rally. What are friends for?