The Pizza Rat Should Be Everybody’s Spirit Animal, And Here’s Why
No matter what Taylor Swift has taught you, living in New York is hard. Whether we like to admit it, every person who moves to New York has big dreams, but more often than not, the only thing we accomplish over the years is emptying out our savings accounts and getting yet another crappy food service job. The only reason New York could have possibly been “waiting for us” was so it could piss all over our dreams and turn us into the jaded, depressed adults we were destined to be.
The pizza rat knows this. In fact, rats in general know this. If you think New York is hard for you, think about how much harder it is for a rat. When you show up in the club in your best outfit, everybody shrieks and runs away. When you finally get a reservation to that hip restaurant that just opened, everybody shrieks and runs away. Hell, when you try and do the simplest thing like take the subway with your kids, everybody shrieks and runs away. Literally, everywhere New York rats go, they’re reviled. But what about their hopes? Their dreams?
Well, it turns out rats have exactly the same coping mechanisms that people do: namely, pizza. Spotted on the Lower East Side, scrambling down the stairs to get home to Brooklyn before his weed dealer, the pizza rat proved to New Yorkers everywhere that he was basically their twin in 5 easy steps.
At the end of a long, exhausting day, all we want is a slice of pizza
And we often want more than we can chew
But as soon as people start scrutinizing our choices, we feel bad about ourselves
So we pretend we don’t want the pizza
But in the end, we always change our minds
And it’s always worth it
The pizza rat is all of us, and we’re all the pizza rat. Suck it, New York.