6 Reasons Hooking Up Is The Key To Acing Your Finals

There are many talents our generation possesses, but while we’re very adept at bonging a beer and finding a sexual partner in five minutes, we’re not always so good at studying. I mean… c’mon. Staring at a dated textbook for more than ten minutes without glancing at our latest Tinder matches is nearly impossible. The older I get, the shorter my attention span seems to be, and attempting to study seems more impossible each semester. However, unless you want to kiss your scholarship goodbye, you’re going to need to study, with breaks of course. What kind of study breaks will bring you the grades you need? A little afternoon quickie in the library, obviously.


1. It Will Reduce Your Stress

It’s no myth that a good smoosh session wards off feelings of depression and anxiety (two things that probably come into focus around finals week). When getting your freak on, your brain releases endorphins and oxycotin, which lead to a feeling of relaxation. Not to mention, as Elle Woods taught us, “Endorphins make you happy! Happy people don’t shoot their husbands.” Or, in our case, shoot our professors.

2. You’re Already Going To Be Cramming

Who doesn’t love a good pun? You obviously didn’t study using the “slow and steady” method, and are instead hoping to learn all of Accounting 101 in the next 12 hours before the exam. Why don’t you supplement your cramming with another kind of cramming…?

3. It’ll Give You A Back Up Plan

We all know that it doesn’t really matter how you do on your finals, as long as your future husband is doing well on his, am I right? If you’ve completely accepted the fact that you’re going to fail your bio exam, you can at least get into some animalistic behavior with the pre-med cutie that sits behind you.

4. It Will Clear Your Head

A study at Harvard University tested participants on how much their mind wanders. Out of the multiple activities people participated in during the day, the time when they were most focused (without other thoughts) was during coitus. Instead of chugging coffee and jotting down last minute notes before your test, maybe make some sweet love instead?

5. You’ll Save Each Other From Insanity

If you think locking yourself in your bedroom with your text book is going to lead to a healthy state of mind, you’re wrong. While I understand you need to focus, a little human interaction will help you to stay sane. It’s not like sex has to take that long. If you and your partner are both studying, you can plan on a 30 minute break for sexy time, then get back to the books.

6. And Maybe Even Help Each Other Out?

I got through my exams by making sexual pneumonic devices for all the formulas I needed to memorize. If you and your f*** buddy are in the same classes, or similar ones, you might even be able to help each other out in more ways than getting each other off. Don’t you remember the scene in Billy Madison when his favorite teacher strips off a piece of clothing for each answer he gets correct? I’m pretty sure that study technique would save the grades of 99% of college guys.

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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