6 Dating Apps We Wish Existed
Remember in Sex and The City when Samantha is in tears because she finally likes a guy only to find out that he has a “little problem” in his pants? Yeah…me too. While I probably won’t break down sobbing if the next guy I hook up with is a two-incher, it’s definitely not ideal. For chicks, it’s easy enough to tell how big their tits are (although it’s getting tougher thanks to Victoria’s Secret’s magic), but there’s absolutely no way of telling how big a guy’s junk is unless you ask his ex-girlfriend (which could be awkward). This picture above seems like a perfect plan, you wave it over a dude’s package, and it gives a rough estimate- voila! Crisis averted!
2. The Yelp Review For Men
I know, I know, we have Lulu. But how accurate is that app really? First off, you have no idea who is actually rating the dude. It could be his crazy ex, or his BFF. But moreover, the tags they allow you to put don’t really mean shit. If a guy refuses to wear a condom and tries to f*ck my friend, there is no tag for that. If he pukes all over my bedspread or has a tiny dick, there’s no tag for that. While “mamma’s boy” and “player” are somewhat telling, there’s no way to accurately judge a guy. If we could actually write full sentences (or essays) about the guy, we girls would save a lot of time and effort.
3. A Better Group Dating App
The idea of Grouper is great: Go on blind dates in groups to ease the tension, and up the chances you’ll meet someone cool. However, what girl wants to pay $15 to go on a date? Aren’t we supposed to be having guys buy us dinner instead? Not to mention that it seems that you can never find a day that works for everyone in the group.
4. The Dinner Date App
It’s practically a full time job sorting through Tinder for a dude that actually has the manners to take you out for a meal. Not a drink, not a “hangout,” not a fucking walk through the park with his dog, but an actual date (you know, that includes free food). Even if you’re not looking for love, it would be awesome to be able to find a dude to try that new Thai place with you when your friends are being picky eaters, am I right?
5. The Try-Sexual App
Don’t lie, you’ve always wanted to have a threesome with two dudes. The problem is that the only viable options are dudes that would tell everyone you know, and you don’t want your new nickname to be “Eiffel Tower Tori.” So, why not have an app where you can find people to try those kinky fetishes you’ve always had with? Obviously, you would probably want a background check on these people, but isn’t that what LinkedIn is for?
6. Uber for Walk of Shames
While Ubers have really saved us girls from doing walk of shames altogether (or as I like to call them, stride of prides), this could still improve. What about an app that brings you new clothes, a toothbrush, an umbrella, or whatever the hell else you need after shacking at a guys place? I’m trademarking this idea as we speak…