5 Reasons You’re Never Going To Be Friends With Your Ex
“…But we can still be friends?”
Tell me, honestly, that some form of the above statement was not spoken during your last break-up. Maybe it wasn’t a break-up, maybe you were saying adios to your loyal f***-buddy, or telling off the creepy dude who took you out for lasagna. Either way, I doubt the conversation evaded use of the word “friends.”
Sometimes, we tell dudes that we’d rather be friends, when in reality, we never want to hear from them again. But sometimes, when we’re on the receiving end of the “we’re just friends” lie, we really believe it and try to make it work. As hard as it may be letting go of the person you’ve been talking to everyday, or just saying goodbye to the idea of him, here are reasons why you can never be friends with your ex:
1. Because You Probably Still Love Him
Maybe love is too strong of a word for our emotionally-inept generation, perhaps I’ll use “like-like.” Either way, if you’re still actively trying to be friends with someone, it’s probably because underneath it all you’re still not over them. Whether you’re secretly plotting for him to fall back in love with you, or just can’t imagine being without his company, being friends with him is just acting as a crutch for your emotions. Last time my ex boyfriend tried to be friends, we ended up in hot yoga class together. Naturally, the sight of each other hot and sweaty led to a reunion, and an even nastier break-up weeks later. Just… don’t.
2. Because Real Friends Can Talk About Anything
What do you talk to your friends about? School, work, clothes, and… oh yeah, boys. In fact, mostly boys. Do you think you and the guy you used to make love to at 7 in the morning is going to want to hear about your latest match on Tinder? No, no he’s not. And I doubt you’re going to want to hear about his latest conquest too. Being “friends” with your ex is always going to leave you and him avoiding topics y’all just can’t talk about, and what kind of friendship is that?
3. Because Jealousy Will Never Go Away
Speaking of chatting about new lovers with your ex (as if that didn’t sound bad enough), it’s inevitable that one of you will get a new partner in the future. What then? Well, that new partner is probably going to be sketched as f*** at the fact that you two are still “friends.” His new girlfriend will probably give him an ultimatum between him seeing her and being friends with you, and then you’re dumped for a second time (basically). Even if this doesn’t happen, you’ll still always be jealous. Even if you don’t have feelings for him anymore, it’s going to be weird seeing him doing all the things you used to do together… but with someone else. And if you’re the one who gets a new boo first? He’s going to be chatting your ear off with all the reasons your new dude sucks, or worse – making those typical sarcastic guy comments that are secretly insulting.
4. Because Alcohol
Alcohol is our best friend and our worst friend. In terms of exes, it’s definitely our worst friend. I know I’m not the only one who wakes up after a night of long drinking and sees that I professed my love to my ex via emoji. If you’re friends with your ex, this might be in person instead of via text message. If your ex is as drunk as you are, this will probably end up in some tequila-fueled sex, and an awkward a** morning. Don’t be friends with your ex, and don’t f*** your ex, it’s as simple as that!
5. Because You Were Never Friends With Him
I hate to generalize, maybe you and your ex used to be pals since the fifth grade and suddenly you both realized your love for one another ever since you sprouted double D’s and he lost his braces. But in our current generation, it’s much more likely that you and your ex had small talk over loud Beyonce remixes at a club and ended up going home with each other, resulting in a relationship. I’m not saying that you and your ex weren’t friends while you were together, most good relationships also encompass some form of friendship. But at the end of the day, you were fine without him before you met him, and you’ll be fine without him now that he’s gone. Unless you were one of those girls who ditched all your friends once you got a boyfriend (if you were, learn your lesson), then I’m sure you have plenty of friends to get you through mourning that relationship.