5 Reasons Why Farmers Markets Make Me Wet
1. There Are Hot Men Everywhere
Have you seen that ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’ commercial where this amazingly hot bearded actor is literally buttering this chick’s muffin? If you go to a Farmer’s Market, you will actually feel like you’re a part of that commercial. Why? Because there are hot men everywhere. Burly, bearded, apron-ed men with streaks of pesto and cheese on their shirts, doing unspeakable things.
2. Men Offering You Cheese
There are a lot of things a man can do to make me go wild…He can choke me, buy me shoes, maybe even say he loves me. But nothing gets me sexually excited like a man getting down on one knee and presenting me with a big fancy box of Brie. Maybe Gruyere? Maybe Bleu? Let’s just say if it’s cheesy, I’m easy.
3. You Don’t Have To Spend Money
Remember that time you thought Starbucks was “trendy” and you would spend three dollars on a foamy, sugary mess that went straight to your thighs? Yeah…you can go to a farmer’s market and practically have a whole meal for free. Although I can’t promise that the tattooed guy offering you salami isn’t going to get you to shell out some rent money for a slice, I can guarantee that you’ll get way more bang for your buck. If you’re more self controlled than me, you’ll make it through the entire market without spending a dime (but with lots of free samples in your belly).
4. Did I Mention Wine?
What would be free cheese without free wine? Well…still amazing, actually. Regardless, the farmer’s market may be one of the few places where you can get a free drink without being expected to sleep with someone (although this might be one time you actually want to).
5. It’s Always There When You Need It
Unlike the assh*le who decided to disappear after six months, your farmer’s market will never let you down. Okay…maybe it’ll leave you for the winter, but I mean, staying around for even one season is better than most dudes these days. On your bad days, you can take a stroll down the street and make your day better with a nice hunk of artisan bread and gooey mozzarella.