5 Dominatrix Commandments: 5 Simple Steps For Sexy, Safe And Successful BDSM!

(Mistress Lulu is a Professional Dominatrix from New York City . She uses a pseudonym so that she can accurately depict her sick, badass life without jeopardizing the privacy of her clients and workplace. Because she didn’t know how to introduce herself to the amazing Galore fans and readers, she decided to begin with what she wishes somebody had told her when she was first introduced to the BDSM culture.)
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1. Nobody Commands a Dominatrix.

No matter how sweetly your client asks, even when he says that the ”Other Mistress” totally let him put his penis on their feet, you say “Take a hike” (or something sexier) if that’s not what you want. Welcome to Dominatrix Club, and you call the shots now, sister friend. You will have awesome, exciting sessions with returning clients if you stick to your guns and defend your boundaries. If he has a problem with that, he can go home and put his dick on his own damn feet.
Before jumping into this dark and sexy world, write a thoughtful list of all your hard limits, interests, and curiosities. Write down everything you can think of so someday, when a client books to see you who wants you to roleplay being his sister, you’ve already considered this possibility and aren’t walking into your own personal nightmare. Know what you’re hard limits are, and take on only the clients that thrill you.
This “Dominatrix Magic” stuff doesn’t work if you’re scared or turned off. Pass on the partners who don’t do anything for you. You’ll still get to have your fun and get paid, and you won’t wreck your mental health. Chances are, if you take an incest-play session, the mistress to your left will be quietly yucked out while the mistress to your right will be jealous. When Mistress Left plays with the brown shower client that you passed on, it will all make sense.

2. Everything Else is Wardrobe, Hair, and Nails.

When I boarded this wild Dominatrix Train back in New York City, the playspace that trained me enforced very strong principles about appearance. Long, fake nails were encouraged while wigs were mandatory. This was also an environment where a client could book an appointment without choosing a mistress, allowing him to make his selection from a lineup situation. Think of it as having to be competitively sexy. Since relocating to the San Francisco Bay Area, and working with ladies who don’t shave their legs, I’ve relaxed my own look. However, I am a firm believer in always having my nails and toes done at all times. Part of being a dominatrix is looking at your feet everyday and asking yourself, “Would I put those in my mouth?”, and acting accordingly.
If there was a uniform for this line of work, it would look something like this: a figure-fitting dress, the tallest high heels that you can still strut in (wedges don’t count, quitters), fishnets or thigh highs , and a functional corset. The clients who book an appointment 15 minutes before arriving get the wet-look leggings because they should know better. Just have something that you feel really hot in. Everyone loves a sexy, versatile dress that you answer the door in to seat a client, and later throw a labcoat on top to be Dr. Lulu SpanksHard, M.D.

Pro Domme Tip: If you just take the High School Musical charm off, almost anything at Claire’s is perfect for sex workers.
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3. Stay Safe

Most BDSM related accidents occur because of poor circulation from bondage or hyperventilation from claustrophobia, and both are completely avoidable with communication. For those those situations that you can’t prepare for, there are fundamental precautionary steps for setting up sessions that you never want to skip.
Always begin a scene with a thoughtful and open negotiation period where every participant remembers a very easy safeword, recites their hard limits, and discuss priorities for the session. This is where you get that first impression of your playmate. If the client emailed you about pony play, and then you see him and he’s someones sexy Grandpa, but with a brand new hip nonetheless, you now have time to edit your game plan. Also, take the opportunity to exercise Mistress Radar and if he seems sketchy, high, or drunk, you can simply not hang out with him.
Stash a pair of scissors that you feel confident in somewhere accessible in the room for bondage emergencies. This wont work with leather restraints or really thick rope, so use bondage that you’re comfortable with. Not everyone is a rope guru or have dungeon equipment, and that’s okay! If you’re a junior mistress, a DIY dominatrix, or just into mummification and plastic play, saran wrap can be fun and easy to dismantle.
Drink plenty of water and take responsibility for your submissives hydration. Their focus may be too preoccupied by, you know. Torture.
Heavy masochists are prone to getting so present and caught up in the moment that they won’t use their safeword, even though they should. They may even forget that they have that option entirely. Silly slaves! So,take time to touch your partners extremities and make sure they’re getting circulation. You could be so good that your partner doesn’t even notice their hands went numb ten minutes ago. It happens all of the time.
Another unique thing about being a dominatrix is that when our clients are too talky, we can just shove a ball gag in their pretty little mouth and shut them up real fast. In this extremely frequent scenario, establish a non-verbal safe word, like dropping a weight or snapping. Personally, I prefer Jazz Hands.
I try not to preach going independent or joining a dungeon either way because I’m not your mother, but use common sense. Don’t play with strangers completely alone, especially as a submissive. That’s how you lose your tits to Johnny Psycho. If you’re an independent dominatrix, don’t see a new internet friend without a referral from their previous mistress. There’s a strong culture of ladies looking out for ladies in the world of sex work, and you may even make a new friend if you just reach out and get a little history before you play. If you work in a dungeon and they don’t have clear guidelines about being totally alone with a new client, you can do better and I suggest seeing what else is out there.

4. Expect the Unexpected.

Before Hot Piece of Ass and beyond Administer of Agony, the most important function of a professional femme domme is to offer a positive, safe, and honest haven for experiencing the sexually taboo. What that boils down to is that the most important tool a dominatrix has is not her crop or her ass, but her poker face. If you find yourself finally comfortable, relaxed and 45 minutes into a session with a foot fetishist when out of f***ing nowhere, he pulls out a chocolate pudding cup and wants to eat it from your toes, you better be cool. Now, the service you offer is not to allow absolutely all drama and perversion, but to treat kinky strangers with professional respect and courtesy. If you laugh at him, the poor guy may be in therapy for the rest of his days, or he could get really angry. If you punish or humiliate a playmate in a way he did not sign up for, he may not come back and see the mistress whose favorite fetish is pudding worship. Consider yourself lucky that this time,it was just dessert and not his daughters soccer cleats for you to try on.
Some men start crying out of nowhere, coming to hang out with you on this Tuesday afternoon for an hour is the craziest thing they’ve done in all their years and they’re shocked that god hasn’t struck them down with lightning for getting flogged by a pretty girl. Some men take drugs before they walk in the door that don’t kick in until suddenly, they’re tripping balls. Everything is fine and dandy, the client is sucking away at your toes, you’re checking the time, wondering if you can grab a cigarette before the next client, this guy should finish soon anyway, and all of a sudden, you’re all,
”OH MY GOD WHY IS HE SCREAMING?? WHAT’S WRONG? IS HE INJURED? Should I be screaming too?? Oh god, why wouldn’t you WARN ME that you SCREAM every time you cum? I thought we were under attack!”
I’m a huge fan of being straight forward while in negotiation, but these shy, submissive types seem to be into everything but honesty. Just remember that you’re the supreme goddess, confident and in control, and you can handle anything.
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5. Never Stop Learning!

You can never be too good at being Captain of your sexuality. You can always be a swifter wrestler, a sharper shot, or a more cunning actress. Practice, exchanging information with coworkers, even asking clients to be your subject of experimentation are all ways to continue growing as a dominant. See, being a fierce and powerful goddess is a glorious, ongoing adventure, not unlike Pokemon or finding out that you’re a wizard. There will always be something you haven’t tried, and a partner who’d be turned on at your curiosity. All ladies and divas are ever evolving creatures of mystery, BDSM is just another way to experience that feminine command we have that brings men to their knees. Even when you aren’t throwing a flogger every day, exhibit your inner dominatrix until you’re old and grey, and leave a nation of pussy-whipped boys in your wake.

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