4 New Years Resolutions You’ve Already Broken

New Years day is a dark day for all. Some of you will spend it wallowing in a champagne hangover and ordering as much greasy food as possible. Some of you will spend it waking up at 8 am and heading to the gym to put yourself through your first workout since last January. Many of you will spend it focusing on your resolutions for the new year, because we all know that 2016 is the perfect excuse for you to lose weight, stop smoking, and find love. The thing is, you’ve already probably broken most of your resolutions by this morning, including these:

1. Getting Healthy

I’m not sure which part of your NYE evening was healthier…your “treat yo’self” themed dinner pre-club (you had to load up on carbs to combat all the alcohol you’d be drinking later), the countless bottles of champagne you downed, or the hangover brunch you indulged in the next morning. Either way, you’re feeling a lot less like Kendall Jenner and a lot more like Shrek. Sure, you could chug a Gatorade and head to the gym, but you’re afraid that you’ll puke on the treadmill, or at least pass out on the mat.

2. Getting Over “It”

Whether your 2016 resolution was to stop thinking of your ex or to stop obsessing over social media, you probably broke it at least once from the hours of midnight to 4 am last night. Best case scenario, you took a couple drunk club videos for Snapchat. Worst case scenario, you texted your ex at midnight saying how you’d rather be kissing him.

3. Quitting Your Vice of Choice

Perhaps you’ve decided that 2016 is the time to say goodbye to tequila and blacking out constantly. Maybe you’ve made it your mission to quit smoking. Either way, last night was essentially the polar opposite of sobriety. Champagne flutes led to mixed drinks, which led to tequila shots, which led to a quick cigarette, which led to a concoction of drugs you’d rather not mention and/or recall.

4. Waking Up Earlier

Maybe you did wake up early on New Years Day. However, you probably woke up early with a throbbing headache begging for a glass of water rather than waking up early to get to the gym or to get some work done.

Your life isn’t a Cinderella story, and the stroke of midnight isn’t going to change your life. It’s great to set goals and work to achieve them, but it’s more realistic to tackle them once at a time rather than setting yourself up for failure with a bogus “New Years resolution.” Don’t worry, you can still lose weight, get over your ex, and quit smoking–but you don’t have to do it all within the first month of 2016. Being a better person starts with you, not some sad excuse for a holiday.

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