4 Guys Not To Hook Up With On Syllabus Week

We all know that freshman year of college is a sex-pool of disaster. What seems like an endless opportunity for secret lovers and playful romance is a lot more reminiscent of awkward encounters on lofted beds and blurred visions of semi-hard cocks. You’re inevitably going to make plenty of mistakes freshman year, and have a list of guys you try to avoid at all costs for the next four years. But, if you want to avoid complete disaster, at least try to avoid hooking up with these dudes:

1. The Cute Neighbor

How convenient! The co-ed floors in your dorm means that you’re right across the hall from a smoldering brunette with Sublime posters all over his room. You envision a year of easy hook-ups and no walks of shame in the morning. Instead, after one syllabus week party and a sloppy hook-up while his roommate pretended to sleep, you ignore each other for the rest of the year. It’s hard enough avoiding old hook-ups when they don’t live across the hall from you…not to mention that you get to see chicks leaving his room regretfully every Saturday for the rest of the semester.

2. The Buff Move-In Dude

Ah, college seniors seem so much cooler than they really are. The hot move-in guy with a smile that managed to win over your nervous mom is not your future boyfriend. He’s a creep trying to score as much freshman pussy before he has to graduate in the spring. Do you really think he willingly chose to help move-in scared freshman on a Saturday morning without an ulterior motive? You have too much faith in college guys.

3. Your Witty Lab Partner

Being the same major, you naturally have so much in common. Studying for impossible chem tests is so much easier when you have an excuse to stay up till 3 am with this cutie. The only thing better than finishing your midterm is heading out with him and his friends to celebrate with tequila shots, right? Wrong. He might know his way around the chem lab, but you’re pretty sure he doesn’t even know what a clitoris is. Instead of trying to explain why you never want to hook up again, you instead have to come up with excuses to never hang out again for the rest of your college career. Perhaps it’s not too late to change majors?

4. The Guy “On a Break”

Let’s pour one out for all the kids who go to college with a high school boo. The charming man who says he’s on a break with his hometown girlfriend? Yeah…she’ll definitely be visiting next weekend, and they were definitely never on a break. Unless his definition of “break” is trying to sleep with as many college chicks before his girlfriend gets a clue.

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