33 Thoughts Every Girl Has When Buying Her First Dildo

There comes a time in every ladies life when she realizes that men can’t always satisfy us the way we’d like (unless it’s with a credit card, maybe). When that time comes, there are a couple places that we can turn to:

a) The Mall

b) Girls

c) The Sex Shop

If you’ve been through this feeling before, you’ll know that C is the correct answer. When it’s your first time buying a sex toy, it can be a nerve-wracking process. We’ve all been there, don’t worry.

Who’s coming with me?

Wait, my BFF, duh.

Why is she acting like I am trying to adopt a pet rabbit?

I wonder if she already has one…

I thought I saw something sparkly in her underwear drawer the other day…

Where does one buy sex toys anyways?

Not really trying to go to Spencer’s and run into my old manager at the mall

I know, I’ll Ask Siri!

“Siri, Dildo.”

Hell yeah, finally Apple does something right. Well, this place sounds good, how could you go wrong with a place called ‘Sex Shop?’

If I run into somebody I know, I swear to god…

Better bring extra large sunglasses in case; you never know where I’ll run into my ex

Okay salesperson, I appreciate your attention, but I don’t really need you helping me pick out a sex toy

….or showing me how high the vibration on that thing goes

Leave me alone!

Okay, now that I’ve got some peace and quiet…how the hell do I pick one?

This looks innocent enough…

Holy shit, this is way more expensive than getting a real dick

Maybe a smaller one…

Reminds me of my ex

What if the dildo I get is too good and sex is never the same again?

We all saw that one episode of Sex and the City

Okay, this dildo is a cute color and doesn’t scare me, this should be fine.

I’ll just act like I’m buying it for a friend…

*Shoves bag into purse as quickly as possible*

Suddenly my thoughts are taken over by the Magic Mike ad I saw yesterday…

I hope my roommate isn’t home so I can try this baby out

Phew! She’s gone, let me lock my door…

Fuck…you needed batteries for this thing? What is this 2005?! Can’t I just charge it with my Iphone charger?

Hm…batteries…what uses batteries..?

Oh, a flashlight!

Hope we don’t lose power anytime soon…cuz looks like I’m going to be needing these for a while

Why did I ever think I needed men again?

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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