11 surprisingly funny celeb Twitter bios
Have you ever found yourself letting out a slow chortle over something you read in a celebrity’s Twitter bio?
Well, you’re missing out.
While yes, most celebrity Twitter bios are either nonexistent or just boring promo for whatever it is they’re working on, there are a handful that will make you laugh. Maybe you won’t actually LOL, but you will be be on in the inside.
Then again, it could just be me. I genuinely have a passion for celebrity bios.
Let’s find out whether you agree with me or not.
READ ALSO: 11 surprisingly funny celeb Instagram bios
1. Bella Thorne
“Animals, food, and snapchat.. welcome to my world I’m sweet & salty 😉 hell yeah, oh and you guys <3”
Honestly, this is a very fitting bio for Bella Thorne.
It’s very random, borderline TMI, and also suggests that she is made up of “animals, food and snapchat.”
Having watched hours of her Snapchats though, I can’t say this is a totally incorrect assumption of what makes Bella Thorne Bella Thorne.
2. Kris Jenner
“MOM, MANAGER, MOMAGER, LOVER OF LIFE, LOVER OF CHRIST”
NEVER GET IT TWISTED ABOUT WHAT KRIS JENNER BELIEVES IN. IT’S NOT JUST HER FAMILY. IT’S NOT JUST MAKING MONEY. IT’S NOT JUST FLATTUMMYTEA.
IT’S LIFE AND JESUS CHRIST, AMEN.
3. Lana Del Rey
“for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks”
Lana Del Rey would, and Lana Del Rey did.
4. Taylor Swift
“The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now.”
Taylor is really leaning into this whole “new Taylor” business. Would it have been better if she finished the quote? Yes. Would it have been better if she added a telephone emoji after the last period? Yes. But hey, shouldn’t we know by now to never expect “the best” from Taylor?
5. Tom Hanks
“I’m that actor in some of the movies you liked and some you didn’t. Sometimes I’m in pretty good shape, other times I’m not. Hey, you gotta live, you know?”
Tom Hanks may be kind of old and boring now, but you have to admit, this is primo work.
6. Sophie Turner
“Runner up in 800m sprints KHSW field day (2008). Proud holder of grade 1 piano certificate of merit (2005). I once did yoga.”
Yes, I already know what you’re thinking. That’s not the real Sophie Turner. That’s some athlete with her same name.
Judging by that Twitter bio, you would think that, but you’re wrong.
That really is the real Twitter bio from the Sophie Turner of Game of Thrones and dating Joe Jonas fame.
Now let’s have a moment of silence for her yoga practice, shall we?
Everybody say: namaste.
“VERY QUOTATIOUS, I PERFORM RANDOM ACTS OF SHAQNESS”
You don’t even have to know anything about who Shaq is to be entertained by this.
Nor do you have to know what any of it means, which is good, because I don’t.
What is a random act of Shaqness? And what does being very quotatious mean?
They are made-up words, so the possibilities are endless.
Does it mean he think’s he constantly walks around saying iconic things, or does it mean he likes to flirt primarily through quotations?
The world may never know, but my brain is happier just trying to imagine it.
“can you hear the violence?”
Granted, this is a lyric from an actual Lorde song so technically promo, but it perfectly encapsulates the artsy fartsy weirdo aesthetic Lorde’s currently going for.
9. James Blunt
“Cockney rhyming slang for the good stuff; Proof that one song is all you need.”
James Blunt makes bad music, but he makes very good Twitter content.
He’s incredibly self-aware, and if you tweet @ him trying to burn him, he’ll likely find a way to burn you back.
I 10/10 recommend following him.
10. Salma Hayek
“After hundreds of imposters, year of procrastination, and a self-imposed allergy to technology, FINALLY I’m here. Hola! It’s Salma.”
This is pretty much identical to her Instagram bio, but that doesn’t make it any less funny to read.
“Random white dude be everywhere, founder of smoothie wolf, feeding the streets since 1885. also in major lazer.”
Way to bury the lede bb.