10 Ways To (Safely) Introduce Kink and BDSM Into Your Sex Life

50 Shades of Grey has sparked all kinds of interest in BDSM lately, but unfortunately a lot of what is depicted in the novels and the film isn’t  actually BDSM. That’s because the number one priority for all practitioners of BDSM and kink is safety, an aspect of the practice that is frighteningly ignored in 50 Shades of Grey. Despite many people praising 50 Shades of Grey as a sex positive film that champions female sexuality, there are actually many instances in the film where Ana’s consent is violated. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and experiment with BDSM and kink yourself though! Before you do, however, read up on these ten tips for how to keep things kinky and safe.
First off, make sure both (or all?) of you are on board.
This seems really obvious but a lot of people skip this entirely. In any sexual practice (and, let’s be real, any relationship) communication is key. So before you come home with a collar and a leash make sure you and your partner(s) both agree that you want to introduce BDSM into your sex life. Which leads me to the next tip which is…
Familiarize yourself with the ins and outs of role playing. 
BDSM involves dominance and submission but the roles can be assumed by anyone involved. That means they don’t have to correspond to traditional gender roles. This is one of the great things about BDSM, and why a lot of queer people decide to involve BDSM and kink in their sex lives. Your roles can change as well, just because you are a sub for one day doesn’t mean you can’t switch things up and be a Dom the next. Although a lot of people do choose one role and stick to it, you don’t have to lock yourself in. Especially when you are just starting out and still exploring what you like. Before you start playing roles though, make sure you…
Have a sober conversation with your partner prior to introducing any BDSM practices.
This conversation should occur in a non sexual setting and you both should take the time to set out your boundaries. This is the time when you should decide on a safe word and any specific acts that you are open to trying, or ones that are absolutely off the table. Most importantly, this conversation shouldn’t just happen once. Take time to reevaluate every now and then, once you decide what you like and what you don’t, or perhaps, become more comfortable with your partner. After you’ve had this conversation…
Try Blindfolds.
Blindfolds are a fun and easy way to build trust when you’re just starting out with BDSM and are maybe unsure of how far you want to go. This will change the power dynamic immediately, without requiring any huge commitment because once you’re blindfolded you’re completely in your partners hands. You can use any piece of fabric you can find around the house, but cotton and silk are best. Being limited in one area of the senses will heighten your sense of touch and noise. Once you’ve tried blindfolds you may want to…
Try Spanking.
Also a very low commitment way to incorporate BDSM in the bedroom. Try first with an open hand. You can vary what parts of the body you spank, but in general, the booty provides a nice canvas. Start light and then increase force as you go until you find the ideal force that works for you. You can switch things up, if you want, by graduating to the face. This can be done while you’re in missionary. Just make sure to again, start out light and increase force as needed. If you’re loving the blindfolds and the spanking it might be time to…
Have fun with other “sexcessories”.
One of the best parts of BDSM is using props and accessories like ropes and leather. Rather than shopping online, it’s best to go in person with your partner to a sex shop so you can try on what’s most comfortable and see the quality of the items you’re buying beforehand. If you’re in New York, Babeland is a great place to go and the employees there are always willing to answer any (seriously, ANY) questions you have. Once you have started using BDSM props and accessories make sure to…
Check in during sex!
Remember that conversation that you had before you started this journey? Well, consent is an ongoing conversation. You don’t have to stop everything and ask of everything is okay (although if your partner says a safe word this should be what happens immediately). Instead, just be mindful and observant. Are you enjoying what is happening? Does it seem like your partner is enjoying what is happening? If not, it may be time to back off, go more gently, or stop and reevaluate. And remember after you’re done…
ALWAYS Practice Aftercare!
This is an ESSENTIAL and part of BDSM and kink that is often overlooked by amateurs or people who are new to the practice. Aftercare allows both the dom and the sub to ease out of the headspace that we get into as either doms or subs during a BDSM scene. Practicing can be draining, mentally and physically. Doms should maintain control in this ritual, and take care of subs as they come out of their subspace. After care can involve drinking water, cuddling, verbal affirmations and reassurance, rest, debriefing, kissing, and whatever a sub decides they need. After both partners leave each other, a dom should check in later and make sure the sub is feeling safe and okay. In order to ensure aftercare is easy you may want to…
Create an aftercare kit 
This can include first aid supplies like band aids and painkillers, soft and comfy clothes to change into, water bottles, and even candles of your favorite scent to comfort and relax you.
And lastly… Have fun! 
The whole reason you’re doing this should be to make your sex life more exciting and enjoyable. If at any time it stops being either, it may be time to reevaluate and have a conversation about changing or modifying your practices.

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