10 ways to spot the f*ckboy’s deep brother: the art boy
If there is one thing worse than a hipster guy with an ironic mustache, it is the less talked about subculture of the “artboy.”
Ladies, without us even realizing, this sad Art Boy has conned his way into our hearts by portraying himself as a so-called Renaissance man when he’s really a wolf in sheep’s clothing. If this breed of male ego had a leader, it would be James Franco.
Art Boys are more charming than fuckboys, but less flamboyant than a fedora-wearing hipster. We have all swooned over their witty quips, extensive knowledge of foreign cinema and mysterious James Dean attitude. We are usually in too deep listening to his bedroom recorded cassette tapes before we realize how far down the rabbit hole we have fallen.
This article is meant to help females everywhere avoid having to look at another piece of bad art and being told, “You’re the kind of girl people write poetry about.”
Here are the signs that he’s an art boy and is about to fuck you over just like any shitty bro would.
1. He’s always reading Bukowski
Charles Bukowski once wrote, “Few beautiful women were willing to indicate in public that they belonged to someone.” Because as women we have to belong to a man? This sexist line from Charles Bukowski is almost worse than an art boy calling you his “muse.”
2. He’s made at least one short film, usually in black & white, usually not good
Watching “Breathless” really impacted his view of cinema. After writing, directing, and starring in his five-minute short, he believes he will be compared to the modern day Jean-Luc Godard.
3. Smoking a pack of Camels is his aesthetic
Better known as the “Williamsburg cigarettes,” these are the calling card for any art boy. Smoking these while playing his obscure niche instrument is not just a hobby, it’s a lifestyle.
4. He wears blue collar jackets, but has never worked a blue collar job
Sure this jacket is durable and comfortable to wear! A sensible uniform for those who actually work physical labor intensive jobs. But I don’t believe this jacket serves any purpose for an Art Boy hanging up his scrap wood book shelf.
5. He claims to be a writer, but is never writing anything
Perhaps a shot at a self-fulfilling prophecy? If you claim to be something enough, maybe one day you won’t be a poser anymore. Better said by OG Art Boy Richard Hell, “I was only a writer because I conceived myself as one. I didn’t write very much and what I wrote was not any good”
6. He takes 35 mm photographs
This is his chosen medium, the only medium that matters in his eyes. He will explain to you the mystery of how the film will turn out and the long back story on how he bonded with his Canon AE1.
7. He’s bleached his hair at least once
River Phoenix, Jared Leto, Kurt Cobain… need I say more.
8. Trader Joes, never Whole Foods
He loves the idea of eating healthy and bettering his body, mind, and soul, while smoking his Camels of course. However, trying to appear as a starving artist by complaining about overpriced avocados at Whole Foods only makes you appear as a douche.
9. He claims to enjoy watching Eraserhead
You can love Lynch with all your heart and still admit that sitting through Eraserhead is like a mild form of torture. Appreciate the unique experimentation, but no one actually likes this movie.
10. He loves stick-n-pokes
Along with hanging their book shelf, art boys love anything DIY (that isn’t too much work). Having a stick-n-poke is just another way for them to feel “different” and gives another topic to talk about themselves.
