10 Questions You Need To Ask on the First Date
First dates are an opportunity to get to know someone and see how compatible you are with them. But how are you supposed to get to know someone in the span of just a few hours? On top of being nerve-wracking, first dates can seem overwhelming because it can feel like you’re in a really intimate situation with someone you aren’t exactly intimate with–yet. With all that in mind, you still have to approach the task of figuring out if you even like them. So how do you do it? And how do you do it without giving the impression like you’re grilling them?
Selectively and carefully incorporate these questions into your first date conversations. Since some of them are related, you may not have to push hard or even outright ask them. One answer can lead to another if you just sit back and let your date tell you about themselves. Let them ramble, while you make mental notes. Here are the 10 things you should come out of your first date knowing about the person across the table from you.
1. What type of relationship is this person looking for?
First and foremost let’s make sure the two of you are on the same page. If you’re looking for something short term and casual, and they’re looking for the opposite– then you may need to think long and hard before going on a second date.
2. Their favorite show on TV right now?
It may seem trivial but the type of media people consume can speak volumes about who they are. You are what you eat…or er…in this case watch. On the other hand if they get super elitist and tell you they “don’t watch tv,” you can go ahead and run in the other direction. Trust me–you don’t want to go down this road.
3. The best thing that’s happened to them this week.
Asking about someone’s goals and aspirations can be a little heavy handed on the first date, if not overwhelming for the other person. So just ask them how their life is going instead, and anything great that’s happened to them recently. This may give you a window into the types of things they want out of life by showing you their metric for what counts as “good” in their day to day. It’s a sneaky way to get a lot of info.
4. What they think about Beyonce.
Because if they don’t like her what is the point of talking to them, honestly? Okay I’m joking. Sort of.
5. What gets them out of bed in the morning?
And I don’t mean alarm clocks, I mean what drives them to make it through their day–whatever it involves. What are their motivations for doing whatever it is that they are currently doing. I’ve always found that this question is a lot more informative typical questions like “What’s you major?” or “What do you do for a living?” While that information is bound to come up in the discussion of some of these questions, asking it outright is at best boring, and at worst, a tad abrasive and annoying.
6. If they had to give up one, would they give up cheese or sex?
For your sake let’s hope the answer is cheese. But you know, it is a hard question.
7. The smartest person they know.
This question will inevitably open your date up to telling you the types of qualities they admire in a person. Listen carefully to the type of intelligence they value, is it just based on hard credentials (maybe their best friend has a perfect GPA in undergrad and went to an Ivy League) or is it based on innovation, (maybe their sibling is really great at fixing and inventing things). I like this question because you learn what your date values in the people around them–vital information for you.
8. What about their political views?
Yeah I know everyone tells you to avoid this conversation on the first date…but my question to those people is why? Sooner or later you’re going to figure out how the other person thinks in regards to politics, if you hadn’t gotten some idea already from their answers to the previous questions. If you’re not going to be compatible because you have opposing views than why not bite the bullet and stop wasting each other’s time. Plus, who says different political views are going to ruin a future relationship– perhaps you both have open minds and are ready to hear each other out. If so, isn’t that a trait you’d like to know about in your partner from the get go?
9. Cats or dogs?
YOU NEED TO KNOW.
10. Do they like to cook?
Seriously, it may seem trivial but this could mean you end up eating out for every meal OR if you like to cook and they don’t, you could end up having to cook every meal for the two of you. Which could mean a lot of work for you, or a lot of $$$ that you have to spend when you’re hanging out with this person. Learning about each other’s willingness to do chores (yes, I consider cooking a chore) is illuminating. You don’t have to comment on their answer… you just have to get them to talk about it–then evaluate post date.