10 of the worst things guys have ever heard in bed
More often then not, pillow talk has the tendency to go really, really bad. In this Reddit thread, guys come to discuss the worst and weirdest things a girl has said before, during, and after sex.
Below, we compiled a list of the most common, and most questionable responses.
However, don’t let some of the things on this list make you feel insecure. A lot of these dudes have terrible self esteem, and believe making fun of their girl’s reaction to their BS is going to make them feel better about themselves.
1. Crying
“She just started crying quietly afterwards. Catholic shame is serious business,” one guy reported post-climax. Yikes.
“A girl crying after sex is a disaster I’m not sure I’m equipped to handle,” another guy said. Well maybe he’s not equipped to handle sex either if he can’t deal with the disappointed waterworks his dick game causes.
“When I lost my virginity, the girl started crying in the middle of the act,” another guy said. “She was not a virgin, so it wasn’t out of pain. It was an emotional reaction and it was awful.”
This is prime toxic masculinity right here, shaming natural human reactions. He admitted several posts later that he asked her if he could still try to finish. Yikes.
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“Stupid young virgin horny me,” he called himself.
2. Another dude’s name
This is a cringe-worthy mistake. It can also be a big fear if you’re hooking up with other people and he doesn’t know about it. PRO TIP: if you’re gonna hook up with multiple people, make sure they all have the same name! For reference, a full list of common names can be found here.
3. WTF?
“I want to have your abortion,” one guy claimed a girl told him after sex. Jumping to conclusions too soon? There are so many questions about this. Birth control and condoms are your friends! Make sure to always use them.
“Worst I heard was wow, you can’t tickle me, Darth Vader’s Bung? Even my mom can tickle me. That’s okay, you can do things for me my mom can’t,” said one dude. Was that supposed to be a Star Wars reference? I’m not too sure I want to know.
One girl had asked her partner to pass the mustard. Mustard? In what context is mustard in the same category as condoms and lube? Were they doing it in a deli?
4. Just hurry up!
“I’m too hungover to cum, just hurry up,” one disappointed dude was told. Don’t take this one personally girls, we’ve all been there. You should never feel pressured to continue with sex when you want to stop.
“Plowing away, out of no where…. I hear…..SIGH, you done yet,” another guy chimed in.
Even if you say it like this, you’re still allowed to say it.
“Which might have been true,” he continued, “but I’ll never know and that was the only girl I slept with who was experienced enough to tell if I’m subpar in bed, so it’s been pestering me ever since.”
If a guy isn’t giving you what you want in bed, be straight up with him! Your orgasm matters!
5. Interesting nicknames for genitalia
Someone said that a girl referred to his “pee-pee” in the middle of intense sex.
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“Turned me right off,” he said. I’ll have to agree with him on that one. We’re adults, and we can call a dick for what it is. Well, except cock. That word is just plain gross.
6. Size comments
A dude said that a girl he was doing it with said his was bigger than his brother’s. I mean… I guess that’s a nice compliment? Believe it or not, just as we’re scrutinized for our bra size, ass size, etc., men are very insecure about their dick size.
“The amount of conflicting emotions would put me in a John Cena state of bamboozlement,” one guy responded.
“I don’t want to hear ‘Is it in yet,’ ” a guy said. This one is hilarious. Like they say, it’s not about the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean.
One guy confessed his deep frustration for all the times girls have told him they’ve had bigger.
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“I’ve also heard thinner. And I’ve had smaller…aller…aller…aller….aller….aller,” one annoyed guy chimed in. I guess dick comparison is just not appropriate in the bedroom. Take it to the finsta.
7. Any mentions of babies…
“I’m so glad I skipped my birth control. Now we can be together forever and ever,” one guy claims he was told. It’s hard to believe those kinds of things actually happen. There must be more context for this to make sense. Was she joking? Were they actually dating? Or perhaps this girl actually wants to baby with this dude…
8. Or STDs…
“So, is now a bad time to mention the herpes and herp?” one guy said. This conversation should have been taken care of ahead of time. Always disclose to your partner if you have an STD, or if you haven’t been tested since the last time you had unprotected sex. Again, condoms are your friend!
9. References to your *biological* daddy…
“You taste like my dad,” a girl said to this very confused guy. No comments.
10. “I love you.”
This says it all.
