12 Confessions of Living Alone
The deep relief after a day of dealing with other human beings, when you shut the door to the outside world and realise you’re finally alone…and you can do these 10 things.
ONE: Yes I just headbanged to Bon Jovi whilst doing the washing up.
Deal with it.
TWO: That once in a lifetime shot of the tissue ricocheting off the sink and into the bin will only ever be believed by you and you only… cause no one else was there to see it. Sigh.
THREE: It’s 3am. I’m wide awake. But this means I can watch Montel reruns from the 1990’s whilst eating cereal without judgement.
FOUR: Can’t be assed to find a glass… I’ll drink milk out of the carton. (I of course never do this Mum… promise.)
FIVE: I’m enjoying my shower. I think I’ll just stand in here an extra 15 minutes. It’s not like anyone’s waiting to use the bathroom.
SIX: It’s Sunday. It’s my God-given right to lie on my bed all day reading trashy magazines in my underpants.
SEVEN: It’s ok I leave my gym clothes on the bathroom floor for days. Maybe I can trick myself into thinking I go more regularly than I actually do.
EIGHT Googling methods of how to self administrate the Heimlich maneuver on a regular basis is sensible, not overly paranoid.
NINE: Is my ability to do up the zip at the back of my dress with a coat hanger a great talent or slightly tragic?
TEN: Having a whole block of Brie for dinner is totally acceptable. If no one else knows about it.
ELEVEN: Having the desire to passionately kiss of the inventor of Netflix hard on the mouth.
TWELVE: I hate the sympathetic look the man in 7-Eleven gives me when I go into to do my weekly shop: a bottle of cheap wine and a tub of ice cream.
Lexi Rose is a writer based in London, but actually has multiple professions including being an expert in how to maintain relationships in different environments and getting rid of guys that are obsessed with you. Follow her @MissLexiRose and read her tumblr here.