Stop Saying “Don’t Judge Me”

Rula Al-Nasrawi is a Columbia Graduate whose writing has appeared in ViceThe Atlantic, and other online publications. Her first language is valley girl. Californian bred, NYC residing. @RulaOfTheWorld.

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There’s a phrase that many of us have learned early on in life and it pisses me off so much. The phrase is “Don’t judge me.” I can’t actually remember the first time I heard it, but I do know that it’s being seriously abused these days. In the fifth grade it was “Don’t judge me for not knowing who Shania Twain is.” In middle school it was “Don’t judge me for not smearing glitter all over my face.” High school it was “Don’t judge me for only having one Smirnoff Ice at this party.” And at this point, we’re just using the phrase for things that don’t even illicit any judgement anymore.

I think what it is now is that people enjoy being quirky. I’ve already expressed my annoyance with the hype that follows “quirky” girls (i.e Jennifer Lawrence or Zooey Deschanel) and this is kind of an extension of that. I don’t think you would seriously use that phrase as a precursor to something if you knew that someone would actually judge you for it. If I shat myself, I wouldn’t go up to my co-worker and say “Omg don’t judge me but, I just shat myself.” Judging me is probably the only thing that person would do. I would probably say something generically quirky instead. Something along the lines of “Omg don’t judge me but, I ate a whole box of Oreos last night.” So annoying, but it’s true right?

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Why are we always judging and talking about judging anyway? I don’t work at the Supreme Court, I don’t walk around in a cloak, and my first name is not Judy. Who do we think we are for placing judgment in the first place? And it’s even more annoying to expect everyone to be judging us right back.

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There are definitely a few times where I won’t blame you for using this phrase. If you were to look me in the eye and say “Wait don’t judge me but I strangled Taylor Swift last night!” I would throw confetti in your face, give you a standing ovation, and then present you with a medal. No judgement at all. But most of the time, people are just using it all wrong. Here are some examples in which “Don’t judge me” is not ok:

-Oh my gosh don’t judge but I really love Taco Bell! 

Yeah? Me too, idiot. I think about Taco Bell in my spare time, and recently almost broke the window when I showed up and they were closed. What are you trying to say?

-Rula! Don’t judge but I didn’t workout today!

Um hi who are you and how do you know my name? If you knew me you would know that my workout consists of walking to and from brunch locations and that’s about it.

-Wait hi! Don’t judge but I live in Harlem/Washington Heights area 

Oh my god I live in that area too! Are we neighbors? :::pulls out bow and arrow:::

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Also what ever happened to not caring  about what people think? Yeah you can argue with me for years about how “that’s just the way the world is, Rula. People will always judge.” Ok. Well we can probably also not constantly set ourselves up for judgement by asking people not to judge us prematurely. Anyway, I’m about to meet a friend for some sushi and it’s my third sushi meal this week, so sorry, please don’t judge me.

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