Should You Hook Up With Your Best Friend’s Ex?

The age old question that’s asked again and again, and yet, we keep wondering the answer to it. Is it ever okay to hook up with a best friend’s ex? For a lot of people, the answer is no under any circumstance (I mean that’s just like–the rules of feminism, right?). But in reality, things aren’t always so cut and dry.

I’m a firm believer in the phrase, “Shit happens”. When it comes to love, we never really know, anticipate, or control who we fall for, and whose bed we end up with at the end of the night. So, if you’ve found yourself starting to develop the feels for your best friend’s ex, should you go for it or keep your desires under wraps?

“No matter what, in any situation, nobody owns anyone or anyone’s body. Whether or not your best friend and her ex dated for three years or three months, she does not get to control his or her life or decisions once their relationship has ended.”

The first thing you need to understand is that no matter what, in any situation, nobody owns anyone or anyone’s body. Whether or not your best friend and her ex dated for three years or three months, she does not get to control his or her life or decisions once their relationship has ended. The same goes for you and anyone you’ve dated previously. Would it be okay if your ex told you who you could and couldn’t have sex with because at one point in your life you were touching their genitals on a regular basis? The answer is no.

“If there are any chances the two of them could get back together, or that the break up was just a rash decision that was the product of a petty argument that got out of hand, don’t wedge yourself between your best friend and her ex and make things even worse for them. “

That being said, there could be very legitimate reasons for you to refrain from hooking up with your best friend’s ex. For instance, if they broke up a few days ago, the wounds could still be very fresh and she could still have feelings for her ex beyond just unhealthy feelings of possession and jealousy. Another reason could be that her ex mistreated her and created an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. Hooking up with her ex in this instance could constitute a major betrayal– not because you ended up with someone she used to date, but because through having a romantic relationship with them, or any sort of relationship with them at all for that matter, you’re overlooking and excusing the way her ex treated her. If there are any chances the two of them could get back together, or that the break up was just a rash decision that was the product of a petty argument that got out of hand, don’t wedge yourself between your best friend and her ex and make things even worse for them.

If you’re dead set on hooking up with a best friend’s old flame you can ask yourself these questions to determine whether or not it’s a great idea.

1. Is she legitimately over them and are they legitimately over her? 

2. Did they break up last week, or years ago? 

3. Is the hook up just a way for her ex to hurt her, or manipulate her in  some way? 

4. Have they both moved on to more than a few other partners or, a longer more serious relationship since they dated each other? 

“If they’re over each other, dated years ago, the connection between you and your friend’s ex is legitimate, and they’ve both moved on and had serious or long term relationships since their break up, it’s likely that you can go ahead and hook up with your best friend’s ex without causing too much damage.”

If they’re over each other, dated years ago, the connection between you and your friend’s ex is legitimate, and they’ve both moved on and had serious or long term relationships since their break up, it’s likely that you can go ahead and hook up with your best friend’s ex without causing too much damage. But, be aware, even if all of these criteria have been met, this type of relationship still has the potential to hurt your friend or at the very least make her uncomfortable.

While that isn’t an unreasonable feeling, having feelings for someone she may have dated for a few months back in 9th grade isn’t something that is really in your control so in the end it’s up to you to weigh how much you want to pursue her ex, with how you think (or know) she will react and go from there. But, whatever you decide, know that things aren’t always black and white. Shit happens, and plenty of people survive it. And remember–

 

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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