How to Look Good After Getting Wasted All Weekend
Even though maturity is all about making sacrifices, sometimes a girl just has to say “f-ck it, I’m in my 20s” and stay out until 4 AM getting drunk and having fun with her friends.
This weekend, I found myself in such a position.
Every year, Sex magazine hosts a party at China Chalet, a Chinese restaurant on Wall Street, where anything goes. It’s a night where beautifully hip Brooklynites brave the trek to the Isle of Manhattan and in return get to smoke weed while waiting in line for the bathroom and pop mollys at the dinner table will full impunity. For one night, and one night only, there are no rules.
Obviously, I had to go to this party.
Here’s how to wake up the next day, drag your hungover ass out of bed, and go to work feeling like the bae that you are.
First things first, just accept that some of last night’s glitter won’t go away. Wear it like a badge of honor, your proof of a night well spent. Even if your co-workers won’t admit it, they’re secretly jealous of your lifestyle. Just like sex, everybody always thinks they could be having more fun (and they’re totally right).
That being said, wash your face anyway. Exfoliate if you can, but get last night’s makeup off your face before you even think about doing anything else. Even if you wake up in somebody else’s bed, everybody has running water in their bathroom (unless they’re part of the 1.6 million Americans without indoor plumbing that is).
Now, while you’re still in the bathroom, do yourself a favor and brush your teeth. Who knows what you put into your body last night, but the good news is, after you’re done, nobody ever will.
As you make your way back to your room, make a detour to the kitchen and pour yourself a big ole glass of water. I know, I know, you’ve heard this one million times before, but let’s be real, how many of you are really doing it? Just because it’s old news doesn’t mean you don’t gotta head it. Even if you don’t feel like putting anything else into your body right now, the more water you drink now, the faster you can make a full recovery. In fact, if your head is really in the game, you’ll drink a glass (or two) before you go to bed. Such a game changer.
And now it’s time for the main event: putting yourself together.
Now, just try and be realistic here. Unless you wake up flawless, there’s only so much you can expect from your hungover self. Throw on a thin layer of eyeliner, maybe some concealer, and please remember to deodorize yourself. If you have perfume, now would be a good time to use it. The goal is to look and feel fresh.
Throw on a simple t and jeans or your most comfortable dress, pop an Advil on your way out and make sure you have your sunglasses. The sun is just too real.
On your way out the door, even if it means showing up five to ten minutes late, make a pit stop at the nearest bagel shop/bodega/cafe and buy yourself the most substantial thing you think you can handle. If it’s juice, great, get a hydrating juice. If it’s food, get whatever has the most carbs. And, as always, keep hydrating. Save the coffee for later – you’re gonna be out of it anyway.
Congratulations, even if you don’t feel like it, to the rest of the world, you look exactly like a human. Keep drinking water, and it won’t be long before you convince yourself too.
